Parents vs Wife -- how to satisfy both of them

Question

Assalamualaikum. Hello brothers and sisters in Islam.

Last year I have come to UK for MS studies, it is a one year course, Insallah only three months have left for the course completion.

I am married with no children just two years ago. My initial plan I would the MS in as part time, bring my wife.

But in later, I have to change my plan to do MS in one year.

Now my wife wants me to stay in UK and to bring her in UK and she has wanted Talak if I come back and not take her.

Particularly I have no problem to stay here but my parents have grown at their old age(around 70+/-). My parents will not say to me anything if I want to stay in here. But I know it's their intention that I come back as there is no one at this moment with them.

The more I learn about duty to parents, the more I realize that I should go back.

I am trying best to pacify my wife, but seems nothing works. I am so tensed and worried.

Islamically, how can I deal with such a problem.

Answer 1

You should please both of them. More importantly, please your parents before your wife:

Bahz ibn Hakim's grandfather said, "I asked, 'Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then to whom should I be dutiful?' 'Your father,' he replied, 'and then the next closest relative and then the next.'"

Grade : Hasan (Al-Albani) http://sunnah.com/adab/1/3

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However, you didn't mention these details which might help answer your questions:

• Why does she want to move to UK ? Is she persecuted in her city and wants to save her religion ?

• Does she live with your parents who sometimes harass her ?

If there is no valid reason, She is not allowed to ask you to divorce her:

It was narrated from Thawban that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: 'Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.'"

Sunan Ibn Majah, Grade: Sahih http://sunnah.com/urn/1321340

If she is not a practicing muslim, high chances that the hadith will not convince her. If so, then the only option left is see how you can convince her:

• Duaa, duaa, and duaa that allah will help you convince her.
• Buy something precious from the UK.
• Talk to her over the phone to convince her.
• Invite her to dinner if you come back

So basically, you should know how to talk to your wife and how to convince her.

Answer 2

I would agree with the first answer in all levels. As far as I know it is the stronger Islamic opinion ... and only Allah knows best.

Speaking as a married person, I would say that the situation you have described is not the problem, rather a symptom to a deeper problem. You have to appreciate and understand that for a woman to demand Divorce from her husband, the issue must be very serious.

1. It may be the case that there are some other issues and This issue is simply the tipping point driving towards extreme measures. I would advise that you sincerely try to solve all the other problems and pacify your wife.
2. It may be a case where everything else is fine and for your wife settling in the UK is so important that she would prefer divorce FROM YOU if that is not achieved. If that is the case, I would honestly and sincerely advise you to re-evaluate why you want to be married to such a woman.
3. Maybe she has short temper and gets temperamental and gives serious threats over trivialities. In that case, the best thing would be to develop good Communication with your wife, meaning, not just talk to your wife, but try to have a relationship where you can communicate your understanding, feelings and wants and are able to effectively show her the childishness and immaturity of her demands

In any case, I would strongly recommend this. Before Each and Every conversation/call you have with your wife, please pray to rakat nafil and recite the d3a of istakhara. Do dua to Allah and we will do the same that May Allah make it easy upon you, and make you fair in your dealings, give your wife peace of mind in what she has and may you both remain happily married as Marriage is the most sacred institution in Islam and breaking of the marriage is Most beloved to the Shaitan. May Allah protect and guide you