Marriage is delayed due to family situation but I want to do it earlier. How?

Question

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am a 26 year old guy. I was engaged with a girl by our parents last year. I am still waiting for my marriage date but our situation is as described below.

I am working abroad and I am allowed to take only 12 days leave per year (at any time) which will expire if not taken within that year.

My father is also working abroad and he wants to conduct the marriage after his return. He can't come home without terminating his job. He can terminate it any time but he is not willing to leave his job due to our family's financial situation. [Note: I have 3 younger sisters. One will be marrying this month and the other two are studying in college. I can support them financially, Alhamdhulillah.

A few months after my engagement, I started talking with my fiance over the phone regularly,about once a week. We both love each other. We both want to be married as soon as possible. Her family is also waiting for my family's decision on the date.

I informed my father regarding my leave plan and requested him to come home. He refused to terminate his job and instructed me to wait nearly an additional year until we both secure our family's financial position.

I'm always thinking about her and living the life of my dreams with her. It is very difficult for me to wait any longer. So, I performed Istikharah prayer and got a result in my dream but I'm not satisfied as it showed me to wait 9 more months.

I can't sleep well and I am finding it very difficult in controlling my desires. I want to continue my life according to the Quran and the Sunnah. I feel marriage is a better solution to avoid sins and unwanted thoughts. So that, I can concentrate.

My questions:

1. Is there a way to approach my parents requesting a earlier marriage without insulting them? (Note: I already spoke with them and they said I should wait about one more year)
2. Is the result after Istikhara is final?
3. Is there any amal, dua and Quran recitation for marrying sooner?
4. What can I do to prevent inappropriate lustful thoughts?

Answer 1

Question: Marriage is delaying due to family situation but I want to do it earlier. Any advise?

Messenger of Allah (saw) said:

“O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one's chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will diminish his desire.”

Grade : Sahih, Reference: Sunnah.com

Your situation indicates that you have the means to marry. So, it is best for you to marry as soon as possible as prescribed by the prophet (saw).

You asked: Is there any ways to approach my parents for early marriage without insulting them? (Note: I already talked with them and they said me to wait for about one more year)

If your parents don't let you marry, you can marry yourself. Islam permits a man to marry himself if his parents don't let him marry without justifiable reasons. This fatawa explains it:

A man does not have to have a wali at the time of the marriage contract, rather the man is the one who enters into the marriage contract by himself. It is the woman who needs to have a wali, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, according to the hadeeth narrated by ‘Aa’ishah: “Any woman who gets married without a wali, her marriage is invalid, invalid, invalid.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; classed as hasan by Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879.

Your name and situation seems to indicate that you are from South Asia. Due to cultural reasons, South Asians regard marriage without parents consent as something immoral. So, if you fear that marrying without their consent will worsen your relation with them, then it is better to refrain from doing so.

Based on my knowledge of the culture of South Asia, I would suggest:

You should perform the marriage with the consent of both parties without announcing it and formally accepting the bride to your home. Ask your parents to give you the permission to perform the Nikah with her but do not announce it to the society. When your father comes back, announce it to the society and formally accept the bride. This way, your family will stay happy and you can be intimate with her. (Note: You will be responsible for her sustenance after the marriage.)