Between wife or mother who has the right to stay in the son/husband's house?

Question

Let's say that a man's wife and mother have a huge argument/fight. This issue has been brewing between them for a while, and there is no way for them to have peace with each other.

There have been many attempts at reconciliation, but none of them have worked. The only solution for them is to separate.

After much discussion, it has been decided that the wife will leave the house, and the mother will remain. Is it right for the man to stay with his parents at home, or join his wife and leave the house?

In their arguments, no-one can be deemed right or wrong, since the cause of their disagreements have just been differences in opinion.

My Question: Should the man stay and support his mother, or leave and support his wife?

Answer 1

Stay with your wife. Your mother may be upset right now but she can not be mad at you forever. She raised you and she will understand why you chose your decision. On the other hand if you chose your mother, the fight could become bigger and you will no longer have a wife. I'm not gonna tell you it will be easy. It will be even harder in the beginning, but everything will get better eventually. Keep in mind just because you stay with your wife doesn't mean you can fight with your mother. You must stay kind with her and do everything you can to make her happy. visit her all the time and make sure she understands your choice. In Islam you should love your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father. You parents should be one of the most important things in your life especially you mother.

Answer 2

From a legal Islamic view:

At all times the husband has duty towards his wife.

Yet he may not always have duty towards his mother. If I'm not mistaken it becomes mandatory only when his mother has no husband and no father. I'll have to double check. Until then the mother doesn't have a right to stay.

But when I say the mother doesn't have a right, I don't mean he should kick her out. I mean he should shower her with love, but she just doesn't have a right to say, she has 1000 other rights as a mother. And his wife is more deserving. But once she has no other guardian then the mother also has a right and gets complicated :/

Additionally the mother and wife have no blood ties ie they aren't رحم (kin) and while it's recommended they socialize very well with each other, not doing it isn't a sin. It won't be considered as قطع رحم (breaking ties). So you can let it cool down that way. For the husband breaking ties with his mother, sister, wife are all sins!

From a humane Islamic view:

If the situation is unsalvageable then it's recommended that he finds his mother a place close to himself for living and then visit his mother (without his wife) frequently.

Aside from that: The idea of living with close by relatives has great potential to be damaging. Usually it's his mother vs. wife or sister vs. wife.

It's just best to not have them live in the same house from the beginning. But now that this is the situation a physiological answer is to just separate them from each other until they come to their senses. You trying to push/bring them together will only make it worse.

Also seek professional counseling. They can help cool down the situation. Don't focus solely on ISE or Qur'an. This problem needs professional help. I can talk about this more but that would just deviate from ISE

Answer 3

Salam. How many verses (stats) and ahadees (authentic) advocating place of mother and how many talking about rights of wives (could be four, conditions applied)? How many such instructions explicit or implied for admonishing of mother or wives? No one talks about it. Just because mother is old (wrinkled), she has played her role of giving birth, raising and grooming a child. Whereas Wife is beautiful, younger and child bearing. This hypocrisy of religious scholars is becoming obvious. Jazzak Allah