Assalamu alaikum,

I am in a polygamous marriage and we all live together in one house. I would like to know whether it is permissible for a husband to withhold relations from one wife but have relations with another? My husband has not been intimate with me for 3 months but has relations with the other wife with me in the house. I know this because I can hear them making ghusl.
I work and contribute my entire salary to him for everything that needs to be paid while the other wife has not worked in over a year and is pregnant. She is to give birth any day now.

Please can someone assist me. What are my options because it feels like I am only there to help pay the bills while the other wife has rights that I obviously do not have.

I would love to have a child but how will this be possible when my husband refuses to touch me?

2 Answers 2


Firstly, you don't owe any maintenance\money to your husband, rather your husband owes maintenance to you, its called nafqah and is an integral part of marriage.

Quran 2:233 ... Upon the father is their provision and clothing according to what is acceptable ...

Quran 65:6 Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth. And if they breastfeed for you, then give them their payment and confer among yourselves in the acceptable way; but if you are in discord, then there may breastfeed for the father another woman.

Quran 65:7 Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.

Quran 4:34 Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.

Secondly, its your husband's obligation to spend time equally between his wives, it is a precondition of permitting him polygamy.

Quran 4:3 ... marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].

Quran 4:129 And you will never be able to be equal [in feeling] between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. So do not incline completely [toward one] and leave another hanging.

عن عائِشة، قالت كان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم يقسم بين نسايه ثم يعدل ثم يقول ‏ "‏ اللهم هذا فعلي فيما املك فلا تلمني فيما تملك ولا املك

Aishah said: "The Messenger of Allah used to divide his time equally among his wives, then he would say 'O Allah, this is what I am doing with regard to that which is within my control, so do not hold me accountable for that which is under Your control and is beyond my control.'"
Sunan Abu Daud, Sunan Ibn Majah, Sunan Nisai, Jami Tirmizi

Thirdly, advice on how to remedy this situation is relationship counseling and opinion based and we don't delve into that here. Options could include:

  1. Talking with your husband, admonishing him of your rights.
  2. Getting a third party involved, such as parents\relatives etc.
  3. Seeking separation.

Clear case of injustice.

Husband has to spend alternate nights between 2 wives, spend his wealth equally on both wives.

Take him to a Muslim judge if he doesn't improve after advice and warning

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