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I am stuck between my mother and my husband. My mother took care of me since my father passed away at my age of 14. Now my mother does not have anyone to take care of her other than me and my sister. My sister who is recently married cannot be forced to take care of her. Me and my husband are very happy to take care of my mom. But the problem arises, she is not ready to stay with us in my husband’s house where his parents are staying, frequently his sisters, brother and his family also stay there. Moreover there is 100 km difference between my mother’s and husband’s house. My mother doesn’t want to stay away from her place and moreover she does not like to stay with his family. Now my mother wants me and my husband (including his parents, if they want)to stay with her. For this she is ready to give her house and everything to me and my husband.

My husband on other side, will never leave his place and he told me clearly he will stay only in his place. That too he will take care of his parents, even though he has got his brother and sisters to take care of them. But they are not much interested. I am not health wise fit due to acute back pain from last 3 years to take care of a big family. But still I agreed that I will take care of them and everyone but what to do with my mother?

To whom i should listen. to my mother or husband?

I always prefer to stay with my mother considering my health and financially it will really help me and my husband. and it is really a good place for my kids to grow. But at the same time i don't want my husband to be upset with me.

Seriously as per Shariah, on whose side should i stay? I have decided to act as per what my religion wants me to do?

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Let me first quote this verse from Quran (17:23):

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age while with you, say not to them even a "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.

And one from Hadith:

Abu Hurairah narrated that The Prophet said: “If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, then I would order the wife to prostrate to her husband.

Based on that, I believe, you should listen to your husband and hire a caretaker for your mother, and pay frequent visits to her.

Nevertheless, you and your husband need to have a more detailed conversation over this.

  • Good suggestion, thought the issue may be far complicated. To emphasize on your note, paying frequent visits as possible and keeping a weekly contact by phone is really important. She is the only mother one is given. – Ghasan Feb 22 '14 at 14:32

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