This is an excellent and important question. First of all, abusive behavior falls under the category of oppression. By treating you this way, your mother oppressed you. And the Quran has very strong condemnations is oppressors. It does not single out any specific category of oppressor, be they parent or child, sibling or person of authority, friend or foe, relative or boss. But the act of oppression is associated with denying someone their rights. It also includes oppression of someone under one’s authority or control, which would include parents.
Holy Quran 16:90
------------------ ۞ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَيَنْهَىٰ عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنكَرِ
وَالْبَغْيِ ۚ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ
Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives
and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes
you that perhaps you will be reminded.
Holy Quran 4:75
------------------ وَمَا لَكُمْ لَا تُقَاتِلُونَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَالْمُسْتَضْعَفِينَ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ وَالنِّسَاءِ وَالْوِلْدَانِ
الَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا أَخْرِجْنَا مِنْ هَٰذِهِ الْقَرْيَةِ
الظَّالِمِ أَهْلُهَا وَاجْعَل لَّنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ وَلِيًّا وَاجْعَل
لَّنَا مِن لَّدُنكَ نَصِيرًا
And what is [the matter] with you that you fight not in the cause of
Allah and [for] the oppressed among men, women, and children who say,
"Our Lord, take us out of this city of oppressive people and appoint
for us from Yourself a protector and appoint for us from Yourself a
helper?"
This aya actually implies that the Muslim community is responsible to “fight” oppression when they see it, whether they see it coming from a whole people, as per the aya above, or from individuals such as parents toward their children. In the case of families or oppressive parents, neighbors or other Muslims should try to speak to the oppressive parent to stop their behavior. If it verges on criminal behavior, they should contact the proper authorities. This would count as “fighting”. But such behavior is not condoned. The aya indicates we as Muslims are required by Allah to help the oppressed in whatever way we can. Abusive behavior is also dereliction of responsibility. Children are vulnerable and their parents are responsible for their actions.
Now it still is true that the Quran specifies that the child must respect and honor their parents, regardless of their behavior, but it does not say anywhere the child must submit to abuse. Rather he should complain to others about this, such as other family members or members of his community. Of course, many children have no such person they can talk to, especially in cases of abuse where the abuser may try to isolate the child. Even to complain to authorities at school in this case would be not only permissible but encouraged. In a sense, it is important for oppressed people generally to fight their oppression. A child could take some measures against the parent’s abuse without insulting or acting hostile to them.
But the Quran in no way condones abusive behavior from any person, especially not to a vulnerable person such as a child. One last aya about the eternal consequences of committing injustice (and abuse is certainly a form of injustice:
Holy Quran 20:111
------------------ ۞ وَعَنَتِ الْوُجُوهُ لِلْحَيِّ الْقَيُّومِ ۖ وَقَدْ خَابَ مَنْ حَمَلَ ظُلْمًا
And [all] faces will be humbled before the Ever-Living, the Sustainer
of existence. And he will have failed who carries injustice.
This aya is more powerful in Arabic, but the word for “failed” is a much more total catastrophic failure than this word in English conveys. It means whoever committed injustice in this life and did nothing to amend it or repent, will find in the Hereafter a total catastrophic failure which means, of course, hell, and separation from Allah and His mercy.
So if you did not find justice in this life, there certainly will be justice in the next.
