I am 16 years of age and a female. When I was younger (before hitting puberty) I had this male friend that I would hang out with at school. I ended up moving but we found each other on social media a few years later. Our conversation is very halal, me asking about his family and studies vise versa. The problem is lately I cannot get him off my mind. I'm thinking about him many hours of the day and it's starting to disturb my life. I get aroused when I think about him although I never think sexually of him. Matter of fact I always dream about how if we ever get married I would strive to be a good wife and aim for a relationship like the prophet had with his wives. For some time I ignored it and thought "teenage hormones" but it's really disturbing me. I would be eating breakfast and think about how one day me and him could pray fajr together then have breakfast. I'm not sure what to do? I'm obviously way too young to get married and have tried to stop talking to him but nothing helps. Please tell me if I'm doing anything haram.

2 Answers 2


Assalamu Aleykum. I hope this post finds you in good health and Imaan. The prophet peace be upon him once said “We do not see for those who love one another anything like marriage.” -Source: Sunan Ibn Mājah 1847. Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Albani.

Your love for this brother is clear, and no doubt it's normal. But online communication at a time where you know for sure you will not attain marriage is distracting you from your worldly obligations and your spiritual obligations. It's not productive. As for the islamic legal ruling, communication with a person that you're intending to get married should be restricted to necessary conversations..like "I feel like we connect personally, what are your plans for marriage?, when? how?" and so on. But some people naturally cant even handle this and they get aroused even saying "Assalamu Aleykum" or "Good Morning". This is when you should fear for yourself as a human being that could slip up and or cannot get this person off of their mind, something unintended could be planned and be executed when your sexual emotions are at an all time high. So it's best if you could tell this brother respectfully that you like him but you get emotional and get distracted in life and you need a break until you can take halal actions (There is only one halal action which is..marriage). If this brother fears Allah, he will understand. If not, there are plenty more fish in the sea. It's also a good test to see if this person is a good muslim.

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, the lawful is clear and the unlawful is clear, and between the two of them are doubtful matters about which many people do not know. Thus, he who avoids doubtful matters clears himself in regard to his religion and his honor, and he who falls into doubtful matters will fall into the unlawful as the shepherd who pastures near a sanctuary, all but grazing therein. Verily, every king has a sanctum and the sanctum of Allah is his prohibitions. Verily, in the body is a piece of flesh which, if sound, the entire body is sound, and if corrupt, the entire body is corrupt. Truly, it is the heart.” - Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 52, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1599. Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

ALLAH KNOWS BEST. May Allah's peace salutations be upon our prophet and to all those who will follow him until the last day. Assalamu Alleykum Warahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh

  • Jazak Allah for your response. If you don't mind me I'm rather confused as to how I can love someone at such a young age. So is this love or lust. Because if it's lust I will cut everything off with this guy. If not then I will just be aware of my actions until a proper age.
    – Jana
    Commented Dec 16, 2020 at 13:16
  • @Jana You have to ask yourself what made you fall for this guy..is it his deen? His character? His knowledge? His looks? Like you said it could be first love and blind infatuation. Masha Allah you are upright to be trying to get to the bottom of your issues and solve them. Allah will guide you to the right answer insha Allah. Pray the 2 raka'a of istikharaa and make the dua "Allahuma arina haqqa haqqaan warzuqna tiba'a, wa arina baatilaa baatilan warzuqna atiba'a." Oh Allah show me the truth as truth and help me follow it, show me falsehood as falsehood and make me stay away from it" Commented Dec 17, 2020 at 1:30

You are so brave to ask such question. It means you care about your life and spirit. I don't get the people voting your question down, it could be very helpful for other teenagers like you and yourself.
I recommend you take it easy and put your trust in your God. As our dear friend Falmata said, Allah knows best, so don't worry about anything.
Try to keep the relationship healthy or pause it if you're not able to keep it healthy. Talk to the boy about this but beware, he has his own opinions, he may not be muslim or not even believe in God. If you are good with your beliefs, make sure he cannot hurt your Imaan. But if you're confused and puzzled about your beliefs, just open up to the world and God, you will find it. Hear him out first, he may no be willing to marry you and you need to stop your feelings before it gets out of your control.

  • Because this is not a supporting site that's why the down votes
    – Yusha
    Commented Dec 16, 2020 at 12:09
  • @Yusha, I hope your concern on "site" isn't more than for your brothers and sisters especially those in need. I gave an upvote. Please read surah Al-Asr once again and ponder upon it.
    – the kamilz
    Commented Dec 16, 2020 at 13:09
  • 1
    Thank you so much for your response. @yusha I would like to say I wasn't asking for any support rather I was asking for guidance as I'm quite young and not very knowledgeable. Jazak Allah.
    – Jana
    Commented Dec 16, 2020 at 13:14
  • @Yusha I didn't say to support her, she clearly doesn't need your support. I meant her question is relative to the purpose of the website and she's asking about the order of Islam in this case. So there is no reason to vote down. Those who do it are the people who think they're better than ordinary human beings like Jana and don't understand any human can slip out of Serat-Al-Mostaqim. We need to help eachother. Thanks.
    – Bamdad
    Commented Dec 16, 2020 at 22:30
  • I am not talking about in islam. I am talking about this site. If you are going to use this site you need to follow the rules. There are other Islamic sites that allows you to ask this kind of questions. Also in case someone get the wrong idea, I didn't down vote anything here, I was just telling the reason why people down voted. I don't even have the points to down vote.
    – Yusha
    Commented Dec 17, 2020 at 4:04

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