I don't know what a good beginning is this for this kind of situation. So I'll just start right off the bat. My father always hit me against my head since I was a little boy around 2 till 3 years as far as I remembered. And every year it seems that it creates some sort of normal behaviour to him. I'm now 20 years old and I'm sick of it. Today it happened again. He always hit me against my head this time because I argued with my stepmom about not washing your hands which causes the stairs to be filthy. I don't argue much with my stepmom but when I do I just correct every major flaw in her reasoning. My father had enough of the debate and approached me to shut up and I didn't. So he hit me and every time he assaults me I just don't want to hit him back because I want to have respect for my only living parent.

Now my question is "Can I sue him in court go against some laws in quran because I can't find anything in the soerat baqara about this situation? Will it" because I can perfectly live now by myself. The only thing that holds me back are my sisters, my older brother and my younger brother.

But I can't find a solution to this matter especially when my father makes it worse by saying "Drown in your misery" in tmazight. I never tried reasoning with him because I think he will most likely just get more mad. It seems that after all that he has done for my siblings and me he can do whatever he wants with us when it comes to hitting us.

Can I hit him back in self-defense? I also know that a lot children face the same problem because it is almost tradition in our culture to hit children when they don't listen to their parents. But I'm strongly against this way of educating your own child.

Please help me before I really go to court and sue him.

I'd appreciate citations to dig into the theory.

  • What is the question here? Personal advice and Peer Support are off-topic. What does Islam say about X is too broad.
    – UmH
    Commented Nov 21, 2017 at 13:36
  • @Uma 1) Should I delete it then? I needed some clarity about what my religion has to say about this matter after reading my self sources to handle this situation. 2)I think I described the situation very specifically and I don't think it is too broad
    – anon
    Commented Nov 22, 2017 at 7:01

1 Answer 1


what Islam has to say about this:

I will translate the following answer (written in arabic) to a question similar to yours.

the boy in question is a 20 years old and his father call him bad names over small mistakes he is a student in a western country and he is sick of it.

So this what it says

1. You're a grown up and thus your father has no care rights on you, and you have the right to stay at your father's house or leave.(you are the responsible for your actions).

قال ابن قدامة: فأما البالغ الرشيد، فلا حضانة عليه، وإليه الخيرة في الإقامة عند من شاء من أبويه، فإن كان رجلا، فله الانفراد بنفسه، لاستغنائه عنهما، ويستحب أن لا ينفرد عنهما، ولا يقطع بره عنهما. المغني لابن قدامة

2. Is your father allowed to hit you?

وقال الشربيني (الشافعي) : للْأَبِ وَالْأُمِّ ضَرْبُ الصَّغِيرِ وَالْمَجْنُونِ زَجْرًا لَهُمَا عَنْ سَيِّئِ الْأَخْلَاقِ وَإِصْلَاحًا لَهُمَا. قَالَ شَيْخُنَا: وَمِثْلُهُمَا السَّفِيهُ، وَعِبَارَةُ الدَّمِيرِيِّ: وَلَيْسَ لِلْأَبِ تَعْزِيرُ الْبَالِغِ وَإِنْ كَانَ سَفِيهًا عَلَى الْأَصَحِّ. مغني المحتاج إلى معرفة معاني ألفاظ المنهاج.

2.1 Yes:(first party)

It means that your father has the right to hit you when you undermine him after he used reason with you and you continued disobeying(which I think you did).

2.2 NO: (Second party)

Your father must not hit you unless he used all the reasoning ways with you. But you are obliged to obey your father and that is your father's right on you.

My advice to you:

Even if you dislike the way your father is handling the situation (by hitting you) you should not sue your old man. After all he is your middle door to jannah

عن أبي الدرداء أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال : الوالد أوسط أبواب الجنة فإن شئت فأضع هذا الباب أو احفظه. رواه ابن ماجه والترمذي.

The messenger (ﷺ) said that you have the choice to keep this door or lose it. I advise not to lose it.

If you really dislike the hitting part over all what your father is giving you, then you have the right to leave and live in your own place.

you should also avoid entering in heated discussions with your step mom. In your father's eyes you are still that baby which needs discipline for not obeying the word (order to shut up) so you need to prove to your father that you are the son that he needs to talk to and not the baby that he needs to hit (discipline purpose only) to obey the word.

be the bigger man in any discission and your father will never hit you again.

  • <comments deleted> Comments are intended for constructive criticism and seeking clarification, not for discussion and debate.
    – goldPseudo
    Commented Nov 21, 2017 at 16:20

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