Best way to save a marriage which has differences

Question

I been living with my wife family due to financial issues and (that my Mrs wanted me to move abroad for her education which is delayed since then till now due to many things) we had 2 times fight in which the families got involved. Now I see myself degraded in there eyes, I felt that because I see a lot of involvement in my relation and how they respond to me e.g. Whatever I say are felt on deaf years e.g my wife brother is younger then me and feel he is elder then me e.g. His response to me is very causal. Today my kid was in his arms crying, I told him to give it me. But despite replying me or giving it to me. He went and gave the baby to the mom. Much like this, things has happened in past and is happening. My Mrs say he is shy or he don't want to disturb you but I feel rudeness from my in laws, another example of me and Mrs is that I told her once while on family picnic that we need to eat the food here on pier but she resisted to go on and have it together with her family which she talked miles and ended up being no where as they were on other side. So another example of being ignored. Now this behaviour of my in laws and Mrs had shocked me, because tomorrow they will do like this in front of my kid when he is more sensible. A little background, I got married while mother in law got divorced. The reason was she took a step to get her daughter married whereas the dad didn't think I was right guy (although dad left the family 2 years back, like ran away), I shifted to another country to help my wife with her studies and she persuaded me, but that didn't took place either coz she was carrying a child and she told me she can't do it. Later she helped her brother set up a fast food which was closed due to my in laws ego as to needing money. During which I was ignored and so was my child and her exams too again got delayed. She gave me a reason that "I need to do this for my kid", although my in laws are very sharp in defending themselves up and getting hyper whether is be a Islamic talk, or telling them right thing, or like I mentioned above. The reason of this post is that I am almost had burnout in my marriage due to these reason and really stay stressed as to why I am not being listened too or obeyed and from my thread you may have seen I m not a talker or do argument. But now I really want to know Islamic way to fix my marriage as I see it going down badly in terms on decision and maybe her parents story repeating with me. Is going away better for me? Should I do istakhara to ask Allah what is better for me (even though I don't know what to ask) or should i talk to some Imam. P.s - The thread might sound a little personal but I couldn't find a way to open up.

Answer 1

As a Muslim husband you have responsibilities, among them (not all) is :

• Spending: what you need to provide the wife of food and housing, even if she is rich, Allah says in Al-Baqarah (233)

Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable

• Habitation: a wife's right, which is that her husband will create a dwelling on his means and ability, as Allah mentioned in Surat Al Talaq (6)

Allow them to reside where you reside, according to your means

As stated by previous comment this is more of experience rather than Islamic, the following applies to many cultures

• Women will lose interest in marriage if she looks down at her husband (this applies to her family also), one of the important things that makes a wife respect her husband, is his ability to establish the family home and live independently.

• Some wives (or wife's family) will still look down at the husband if his contribution to the family is less than his wife's.

In all cases, and as you were advised in previous comment you need to try your best to move out with your family. Move back to the country were you can better perform your duties as husband and father, wife's education or helping her family are not the first priority, focus on having a normal family situation (having your independent home and being in-charge).

I sensed in the question a focus on the consequences and less focus on the main problem (financial issues), you would not go through most of the issues you have if you are not living with your wife's family, so initially focus on improving your financial position, side by side with moving out even to a simple home.

Ask Allah to help you fulfill your duties, hence to fix your situation.