Broken trust between spouse and how live by it

Question

Lately me and my Mrs have argument and to win it, she bought my past I.e a affair I had in past before marriage and I only told her that so she knows I am open to her and honest. Now my trust is shaken as I never exposed anyone and she went to the extent of telling my and her family about it. Further she wanted me to open my mobile etc but couldn't provide any proof of what she saying as it was past. I am in a state of shock. Even she called me a liar when I took oath of Quran to prove it ended when it did and have nothing to do with it now. We share a child but now separation is only way I see to clear hearts as I know she broke my trust and degraded me in front of her family and degraded my family too. She is like boss, she drags me around like she is man of relation and say strong words like grow a backbone etc how can I keep a distance from my wife for a time until she realised what she did and how it impacted me. Does Islam say anything about distance yourself from your spouse who cannot protect your secret and expose you because my child would grow up and if my spouse attitude remain same I will loose respect I front of him too

Answer 1

I suggest that both of you should go and talk to your local Imam, or anyone who's specialized in marriage counseling. Your wife needs to be reminded/educated about her role as a wife and her limits with her husband.

Allah (SWT) says in Surat An-Nisaa, verse 34

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٲمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلَىٰ بَعۡضٍ۬ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنۡ أَمۡوَٲلِهِمۡ‌ۚ فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌ۬ لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ‌ۚ وَٱلَّـٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهۡجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلۡمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضۡرِبُوهُنَّ‌ۖ فَإِنۡ أَطَعۡنَڪُمۡ فَلَا تَبۡغُواْ عَلَيۡہِنَّ سَبِيلاً‌ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّ۬ا ڪَبِيرً۬ا

Men are caretakers of women, since Allah has made some of them excel the others, and because of the wealth they have spent. So, the righteous women are obedient, (and) guard (the property and honor of their husbands) in (their) absence with the protection given by Allah. As for women of whom you fear rebellion, convince them, and leave them apart in beds, and beat them. 19 Then, if they obey you, do not seek a way against them. Surely, Allah is the Highest, the Greatest. (34)

According to what you mentioned, your wife is treating you like she is your boss, and that's exactly the meaning of the word نشوز (for some reason it's translated as rebellion). The word نشوز (Nushooz) in Arabic Language is derived from the word نشز (Nashaza), which means when something is raised above the ground level. It's used to describe women when they disobey their spouses, cross their limits with their spouses, and deny their spouses the rights of Qawamah (being in charge of the household)

Now, be careful with the (beat them) part in the verse, you must read the tafaseer of Qur'an to understand its meaning before you take any action. Also, Allah (SWT) has provided the order of the actions, DO NOT start with the beating part first, you must follow the order of those actions in the verse.

Indeed Allah knows best!