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Assalamu alaikum

I said yes to a proposal from a guy a couple of months ago. He is deendar prays and appeared to be of good character. We are supposed to get married next month.

We started chatting on phone to get to know each other. Earlier it was just normal conversation but after a day or two he started expressing his emotions. It was nothing sexual in nature. But it made me very uncomfortable when he said things like I will express my love for u after marriage, u mean so much to me...etc .

It made me very sad and uncomfortable because I thought him to be a very decent man.

I told him about this but he doesn't understand and continues being emotional. So I told my parents that I can't marry him but they say it's too late now to back off as wedding invites have been sent and it will bring disgrace to the family.

My question is will this marriage be considered a forced marriage now that I don't want to marry him but am just going ahead with it to protect my father's dignity?

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  • If you think you can't comfort him or give him whatever he wants. You just tell him you're not very interested in physical relation and he may himself leave the marriage. He has a higher libido which is natural and doesn't make him less religious at all. Going ahead will just create unhappy relation which may eventually break down.
    – Crimson
    Commented Oct 23, 2018 at 16:05
  • Salam and welcome to IslamSE the Q&A site about Islam. To learn more about our site and our model consider taking the tour and checking our help center.
    – Medi1Saif ♦
    Commented Oct 24, 2018 at 6:10
  • As to your post: a marriage is considered as forced if you have been forced to agree to it this means if you were asked do you accept "X" as your husband and answered in first place "No" and your father made you say "Yes". I don't know your age, cultural background and education etc. so I' m not able to figure out why you felt like this when this guy expressed his emotions. But in first place if you wanted to keep everything decent you should never have spoken to this guy without the presence of a mahram. As else you must be aware that this would be the result of talking to him alone.
    – Medi1Saif ♦
    Commented Oct 24, 2018 at 6:11

2 Answers 2

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It would in fact be an invalid marriage because in the official marriage contract you are required to agree voluntarily to the marriage. If you do not agree to be married, you cannot be married. If you are coerced to agree to the marriage I would say yes you can call it "forced marriage" but that term doesn't exist in Islam. It is either a valid marriage or not.

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You must know that this question as stated is somewhat broad as you are not yet married, and many things could happen from now till then. And a forced marriage needs in first place have taken place which is not the case so far!

Be aware that the validity of a marriage in first place depends on you. This means if the contract has been made and you had intercourse with this man this marriage is valid as you left all your options of saying "no" or rejecting it out and just leave it happen. In this case you will have (about) no valid juridical excuse to prove that you have been forced.

Also even if the ahadith that quotes an acceptance of a woman or girl like:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission." The people asked, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! How can we know her permission?" He said, "Her silence (indicates her permission). (See for example in Sahih al-Bukhari)

are accepted by all scholars the interpretations are different and this is a short overview (for details and cases you may refer to this Arabic article): The majority of scholars consider it as legal for the father (shafi'is add the grandfather too) to marry his virgin girl without her consent, and consider the acceptance of the girl only as recommended. Note that this verdict is in first place based on the fact that a father or even grandfather would be able to make a good or better choice for a young girl which has no experience in life, while she might make a choice based on apparent or superficial matters like looks, money etc..
While hanafis (even if it feels like this is also common in Turkish families in Europe) and dhahiris take the hadith literally and say "no even a virgin girl must express her acceptance". Nevertheless one could say that the strongest opinion on which there's a wide consensus is that it is not permissible to marry a mature girl against her will.

And if a woman felt bad about her marriage in such a case she is allowed to search help from a court to get talaq. But the further the matter develops the more the burden of proof raises for you. Therefore it is better to stop as early as possible as you can't be certain that this will end "well" for you if you kept quite.

Off-topic:
What you must/should do is express your rejection to your father (tell him your reasons) and stop phoning with this guy and meet him in further occasions only in presence of a mahram and also clear the matter with him maybe your fear/doubts are unfounded. And remember the words of Allah the almighty:

... But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. ... (2:216)

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