Can an old widow in her iddat be in her sons nikah?

Question

Assalam aleikum hazrat.
i woukd like to know about my ammi jaan she is the widow of my father after his unfortunate death. As we have arranged my younger brother's nikah before the death of my father. Now the situation is here ammi is in iddat for 4 month 10 days and after 40 days of my father's death my younger brother's nikah date is fixed and whether our mom could get in place where nikah will going to place..(under hijaab)..please guide us.

Answer 1

I assume your Question is:
Is it allowed for a widow in her 'iddah to be present at the nikah of her son.

I've came across some fatwas allowing or forbidding it. The point is a widow during her 'iddah is allowed to go out for necessary reasons (mostly related with providing food) as scholars say. This is based on this hadith which Imam a-Shafi'i commented that plucking can only be done at day time, so one could conclude that going out on day time is allowed.

And she is not allowed to spend a night outside her house (home). Because of some reports like this mursal hadith from sunan al-Bayhaqi al-Kubra (reported by a-Shafi'i himself in al-Umm) which says that some widows of shuhada' of Uhud -whom were neighbors- used to spend the evenings together talking -as they felt lonely- and might sleep at the home of one of them and they asked our Prophet about this and he answered:

تَحَدَّثْنَ عِنْدَ إحْدَاكُنَّ مَا بَدَا لَكُنَّ ، فَإِذَا أَرَدْتُنَّ النَّوْمَ فَلْتَؤُبْ كُلُّ امْرَأَةٍ مِنْكُنَّ إلَى بَيْتِهَا .
- - - (My own translation take it carefully) - - -
Talk (and gather) at the home of one of you as long as you like, but if you want to go to bed then each woman (of you) should go back to her home.

(See also in al-Muwatta')

So if assisting to this marriage means that she would spend the night at a "foreign" house then it is not allowed for her to be present. Note that the time for grief in Islam ends after three days as stated in this hadith (except for the widow), afterwards life should go on as normal as possible under the given circumstances.

This fatwa (I've only come across an Arabic fatwa) says: it is perfectly allowed for the son to get married before the end of the 'iddah of his mother and there's no harm for his mother to be present for the "wedding ceremony" if this doesn't mean that she would stay the night out of her home and she should avoid anything which is haram for a woman during her 'iddah like putting on perfume and beauty products etc. (also see in sahih Muslim and read this fatwa in English)

Al-Baji in his al-Muntaqah (a comment on al-Muwatta') quoted the case saying:

وقال الباجي في المنتقى: مسألة: والمتوفى عنها زوجها تحضر العرس. رواه ابن القاسم عن مالك. .
- - - (My own translation take it with care) - - -
And the widow is allowed to be present at a wedding ceremony. This is narrated by ibn al-Qassim (in al-Atabyya) from Malik

Answer 2

I will add to the existing answer that some scholars do not allow for attending marriage as a valid excuse for leaving the house during iddah be it for the day or the night, for example there are numerous Hanafi fatwas which do not allow it such as here and here or here.

However if the marriage ceremony takes place inside the house in which she is observing iddah then that is permissible to attend provided that the other restrictions such as gender segregation and abstinence from adornments is observed.

وتعتدان أي معتدة طلاق وموت في بيت وجبت فيه ولا يخرجان منه إلا أن تخرج أو يتهدم المنزل، أو تخاف انهدامه، أو تلف مالها، أو لا تجد كراء البيت ونحو ذلك من الضرورات

The iddah i.e. of divorce or death of husband is to be passed in her house and she can not leave it except when she is evicted or if the building collapses or it is feared that it will collapse or when there is fear of loss of property or when she does not find rent to pay for her stay and similar necessities

^{— Durr al-Mukhtaar}

The basis for it is that the default rule is that going out during iddah is forbidden:

لا تخرجوهن من بيوتهن ولا يخرجن

Do not turn them out of their [husbands'] houses, nor should they [themselves] leave [during that period]

^{— Quran 65:1}

And this can not be violated unless there is a dire need whose ruling overrides this prohibition such as another obligation. Attending a marriage is not necessary and hence is not something which would override the prohibition.