There is no one correct answer to your question; there can be several. What you seek is advice at a fragile state in your life. Though some of the answers you will receive here will give you solace, my sincere advice to you friend is to talk to your family, close friends or an Imam. They will inshallah provide you the moral support you need and the answers you need. I end by quoting a famous Hadith:
Hanzalah Al-Usayyidi (May Allah be pleased with him) who was one of the scribes of Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), reported:
I met Abu Bakr (May Allah be pleased with him) he said: "How are you O Hanzalah?" I said, "Hanzalah has become a hypocrite". He said, "Far removed is Allah from every imperfection, what are you saying?" I said, "When we are in the company of Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and he reminds us of Hell-fire and Jannah, we feel as if we are seeing them with our very eyes, and when we are away from Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), we attend to our wives, our children, our business, most of these things (pertaining to life hereafter) slip out of our minds." Abu Bakr (May Allah be pleased with him) said, "By Allah, I also experience the same thing". So Abu Bakr (May Allah be pleased with him) and I went to Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and I said to him, "O Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), Hanzalah has turned hypocrite." Thereupon Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "What has happened to you?" I said, "O Messenger of Allah, when we are in your company, and are reminded of Hell-fire and Jannah, we feel as if we are seeing them with our own eyes, but when we go away from you and attend to our wives, children and business, much of these things go out of our minds." Thereupon Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "By Him in Whose Hand is my life if your state of mind remains the same as it is in my presence and you are always busy in remembrance (of Allah), the angels will shake hands with you in your beds and in your roads; but Hanzalah, time should be devoted (to the worldly affairs) and time should be devoted (to prayer)". He (the Prophet (ﷺ)) said this thrice.
[Muslim].
وعن أبي ربعي حنظلة بن الربيع الأسيدى الكاتب أحد كتاب رسول الله صلى
الله عليه وسلم قال: لقيني أبو بكر رضي الله عنه فقال: كيف أنت يا
حنظلة؟ قلت: نافق حنظلة؟ قلت: نافق حنظلة ( قال: سبحان
الله ما تقول؟ ( قلت: نكون عند رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم
يذكرنا بالجنة والنار كأنا رأي عين، فإذا خرجنا من عند رسول الله صلى
الله عليه وسلم عافسنا الأزواج والأولاد والضيعات نسينا كثيراً. قال
أبو بكر رضي الله عنه : فوالله إنا لنلقى مثل هذا، فانطلقت أنا وأبو
بكر حتى دخلنا على رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم. فقلت: نافق حنظلة
يا رسول الله ( فقال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : "وما
ذاك؟" قلت: يا رسول الله نكون عندك تذكرنا بالنار والجنة كأنا رأي
العين، فإذا خرجنا من عندك عافسنا الأزواج والأولاد والضيعات نسينا
كثيراً. فقال رسول الله 0: "والذي نفسي بيده لو تدومون على ما
تكونون عندي وفي الذكر لصافحتكم الملائكة على فرشكم وفي طرقكم، ولكن يا
حنظلة ساعة وساعة" ثلاث مرات، ((رواه مسلم)).
Arabic/English book reference: Book 1, Hadith 151