How do I reassure the man i want to marry that our children will not be influenced or lead astray by my non-Muslim family?

Question

I am a revert with no known Muslims in my immediate or extended family. I would really like to marry this Muslim man that I have known for six years. He has expressed to me that he fears the influence that my non-Muslim family will have on any children we would have. On the other hand I understand all the sacrifices and hard work put into my conversion and I know I will do whatever it takes to protect my children and their religion. I know that it won’t be easy but with Allah, good faith, hard work and many sacrifices that our children will be guided on the straight path. I also know that I may have to move away from my family to achieve this. I struggle with this decision because I want to be around my family so that I can be an example of what true Islam is and what it means to me so they might one day understand but I don’t want to put my kids at risks to do so. What can I do to reassure the man I want to marry and also myself that my kids can be guided to the straight path?

Answer 1

There is never a guarantee of anyone (including one's offspring) being guided to the straight path. Nuh (as)'s son was not a believer - the son of a Prophet and Messenger, no less! Guidance is in the hands of Allah, so the best that you can do is take all the means at your disposal. You've described a number of things you are willing to do; that's as much as is humanly possible. If that's not enough for this man, then nothing will be.

Answer 2

You may tell the man that you will consider taking the following actions:

• Consider moving away from your family. (This is a great sacrifice; it may disturb you but could be the best possible solution.)
• Avoid religious gatherings with your family.
• Ask your family not to preach their religion to your children.
• Hold religious gatherings in your house; give religious schooling.
• Make sure your neighbors, friends and friends of your children will be practising Muslims.
• Practice Islam along with your children.
• Teach and guide them towards the right path.
• Do not tell them your background until they are mature enough.
• ...

The list could be appended with more guidelines; it will depend highly upon the situation and available options.

Answer 3

I would point out to the guy that if you, despite your family's much greater influence over you than they could possibly have over your children, were able to choose Islam then he should not worry about your children. He can ensure that they follow Islam by creating a good example for them to follow.

As far as I understand it, you should not have to give up your family simply because they are non-Muslim. Allah commands us to treat our parents gently even if they are non-Muslim. Forsaking them in their old age cannot be considered to be gentle behavior by any stretch of imagination. This would be un-Islamic.