As-salamu alaykum. Last week I converted to Islam. My wife is supportive of me doing so, but she doesn't want me to try and convert her or my children. They do haram things such as cooking and eating bacon in the morning. My wife has been someone to require equal say in everything and sometimes superseding me. I don't know how to re-establish control in our relationship. I love her and respect her. It just seems difficult for me to complete my obligations to Allah(SWT). I feel trapped and I don't know how to proceed. Allahu Akbar!
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2Wa alaikum musalam. Alhamdulilah, welcome to Islam! I'm also a revert in a Christian family. My advice is to be kind to them, make dua that Allah guides them (you can't make any other Dua for non believers), and إن شاء الله through your good actions they will see the good of Islam and show an interest in the religion. Just be patient and trust in Allah.– moinudinCommented Apr 12, 2020 at 4:39
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Salam, you should probably speak to a qualified Muslim scholar near you rather than seek advise for such an important situation online.– The ZCommented Apr 12, 2020 at 21:47
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Assalamu Alaikum brother. Welcome to Islam– GyL 209Commented Sep 10, 2020 at 10:18
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Salam please be aware that we are not a typical internet forum nor a supporting group. Therefore advise-requests are hardly on-topic as they are not answerable within the scope of our site. IMHO you should show your wife and family that except with your conversion nothing has changed. You'll certainly have hard times when practicing your worships etc. because your family has another faith and practices things that might be haram for you, but not for them. As long as you refrain from haram you are safe and maybe you can convince them this way. And Allah knows best.– Medi1Saif ♦Commented Jan 8, 2021 at 8:51
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3 Answers
Assalamu'alikum
You are not in a unique situation as many other people have also converted to Islam without their spouce doing so. You are fortunate that she is supportive as that is not the case for many. The best thing for you to do is be kind to her and the rest of your family to the best of your ability and don't try to force your beliefs on them. Note, they are not required to follow your dietary code so you should not try to make them do so. As for you wife requiring equal say in everything and sometimes superseding you, that may not always be a bad thing. And Allah says in Surah Nisah 4:19: "O believers! It is not permissible for you to inherit women against their will or mistreat them to make them return some of the dowry ˹as a ransom for divorce˺—unless they are found guilty of adultery. Treat them fairly. If you happen to dislike them, you may hate something which Allah turns into a great blessing."
Allah knows best.
Deeds are stronger than words. If your deeds reflect a better person, if your attitude with all around you show a significant improvement, especially in the way you treat your parents and your elders in your family, your wife and your kids. If you become a better person with your neighbors, friends and co-workers. Guess what? They will eventually link this change with your religion. You should reflect the principles embedded in the Quran by the way you act and speak.
As for your kids, do not concentrate on things like eating pig and whatever else. They are watching you and listening to your gentle way of teaching them righteous principles such as honesty, helpfulness, humility, love of others, obedience to God to do the right thing and avoid evil and so on.
Diplomacy, patience and tolerance will win over proselytizing. Finally, you will not get anyone into the faith. You can only facilitate. God alone controls people's heart.
Assalamu alaikum
Alhamdulillah and welcome to Islam
There are certain rules to a Muslim man being married to a non-Muslim woman after the husband reverts to Islam but the wife doesn't. Here's one fatwa, however there are others around which may slightly differ from each other.
Fatwa of The European Council for Fatwa & Research, including Sheikh Yusuf al-Qaradawi, Sheikh ‘Abdullah bin Bayyah, Sheikh ‘Abdullah al-Judai, Sheikh Suhaib Hasan and others (from Sheikh ‘Abdullah bin Bayyah, Sina’at al-Fatwa, pp. 356-7)
If only the husband converts to Islam, they are not close relatives and the wife is a person of scripture, their marriage continues in its validity
Surah Al-Maa'ida (The Table); interpretation of the meaning: "This day are (all) things Good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues (girlfriends or lovers)..."
So based on this ayah you should know that it is only permitted for you to be married to your Christian wife if she is chaste and virtuous in marriage
Now, as for your children; in accordance to the Islamic law they must follow the Muslim parent amongst their parents and it is the Muslim parent's right and responsibility to ensure their proper upbringing, guidance and supervision
May Allah make it easy for you. You will undoubtedly find it difficult in convincing your wife to raise your children in accordance to Islam however your obedience to Allah, including gentle judgement and wisdom will, in shaa Allah, aide you. This will be important as if you were able to eventually get your wife to revert to Islam the problem will be solved as a whole then.
And Allah knows best
