Evidences for the obedience ---------- First of all the obedience of a wife to her husband is usually based on verses such as: > ... And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. ... ([2:228][1]) and > Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. ... ([4:34][2]) and ahadith such as: > “Nothing is of more benefit to the believer after Taqwa of Allah than a righteous wife whom, if he commands her she obeys him, if he looks at her he is pleased, if he swears an oath concerning her she fulfills it, and when he is away from her she is sincere towards him with regard to herself and his wealth.” (sunan [ibn Majah][3]) There's also a hadith quoted by Imam Ahmad dn ibn Hebban: > إذا صلت المرأة خمسها وصامت شهرها وحفظت فرجها وأطاعت زوجها دخلت من أي أبواب الجنة شاءت which my be translated: "If a woman (wife) prayed her five (obligatory prayers), and fasted her month (Ramadan), and guarded her private parts (from zina), and obeyed (followed the orders of) her husband, she will enter paradise (jannah) from whatever door she wants" and there are other ahadith which seem to say a woman needs to do her best to keep her husband happy (however most have a da'if taste). (Arabic source [islamweb #8083][4]) Comments on each condition ---------- > **1. You will wear hijab at all times.** This is simply against the Qur'an which allows a woman to reveal herself without hijab to her mahrams ([24:31][5]) and the sunnah which shows that even the wives of the Prophet put on the hijab when they left the house or if a non-Mahram came in. See also: https://islam.stackexchange.com/questions/10322/covering-face-in-the-house > **2. You will not befriend Muslim girls without hijab, and you will absolutely not befriend Kafirs.** How while Allah says (49:13)?: > O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. so by qur'an we are not hindered from getting to know non-Muslims, of course one can choose, setting non-hijab wearing Muslim women equal to non pious is an interpretation and can be discussed. So the hadith saying: > "Do not accompany except a believer, and do not serve your food except to one with Taqwa." (Jami' [at-Tirmdihi][6] and sunan [abi Dawod][7]) does not necessary mean that a Muslim women shouldn't have non-hijab wearing female friend. So at the end this is a ruling that falls under obeying your husband, no more nor less! > **3. When a male friend or colleague of mine enters the house, you will go to a separate room, and stay there until he leaves, unless you serve him food or drink.** At least Imam Malik would reject this as stated in his [Muwatta'][8] (but not yet translated on sunnah.com): > قَالَ يَحْيَى سُئِلَ مَالِكٌ هَلْ تَأْكُلُ الْمَرْأَةُ مَعَ غَيْرِ ذِي مَحْرَمٍ مِنْهَا أَوْ مَعَ غُلاَمِهَا فَقَالَ مَالِكٌ لَيْسَ بِذَلِكَ بَأْسٌ إِذَا كَانَ ذَلِكَ عَلَى وَجْهِ مَا يُعْرَفُ لِلْمَرْأَةِ أَنْ تَأْكُلَ مَعَهُ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ . قَالَ وَقَدْ تَأْكُلُ الْمَرْأَةُ مَعَ زَوْجِهَا وَمَعَ غَيْرِهِ مِمَّنْ يُؤَاكِلُهُ أَوْ مَعَ أَخِيهَا عَلَى مِثْلِ ذَلِكَ وَيُكْرَهُ لِلْمَرْأَةِ أَنْ تَخْلُوَ مَعَ الرَّجُلِ لَيْسَ بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَهَا حُرْمَةٌ . (here my own translation take it with care) > Yahya said: Malik was asked can a woman eat with a non-Mahram or with her slave? He answered: there's no harm, if it is of the kind of men which a woman is used or known (local custom? or mahram as the further statement may indicate) eat with. And he added: and a woman is allowed to eat with her husband and with those whom eat with him, or with her brother in the same case, but it is frowned upon that a woman stays all alone with a man which is not her mahram! Ibn Abd al-barr commented this fatwa of Malik, by saying that the times have changed! Of course if she isn't allowed to stay with the (male) guest it sounds contradictory, if the husband expects her to serve, as those whom don't allow a wife to stay with the (male) guests wouldn't allow her to serve them too! > **4. You will not work, even if I am not able to financially support you, you will be around Kafirs at work, and they will look at you lustfully and tempt you to do wrong. Women are weak, you are weak, and you will probably end up harassed by a Kafir.** Well yes he can ask her not to work and she must obey based on the principle that a woman is asked to follow her husbands orders as long as he doesn't order something haram based on the verses and ahadith quoted in my intro. But once he couldn't stay in charge for her, some madhabs would say he lost the right of his wife's obedience (see my answer on https://islam.stackexchange.com/questions/31474/so-righteous-women-are-devoutly-obedient-meaning-of-obedient-wife/31475#31475), so he can't expect her not to work if he is jobless. And it is shameful if not haram for a Muslim to stay to be dependent on external help without doing any effort! > **5. If you leave, even with friends, tell me where you are at all times, and whatever you buy you must show me once you return home** This is to some extent correct according to [hadith][9], but she must not show him, as there are ahadith where the Prophet () allowed Hind the wife of abu Sufyan to take some of his money as her husband was stingy (see for example sahih [al-Bukhari][10]). > **6. I am allowed to beat you softly, but only under extreme circumstances, such as denying sex.** First this reads as if our Prophet () and our religion is a call for domestic violence and also supporting the claim of enemies of Islam that our Prophet () was a pervert whom was sex thirsty and so should Muslims be. And that is simply not correct! Verse ([4:34][11]) clearly shows that violence or beating (even softly as stated by scholars) is the last choice after taking former steps! So a husband can't come and beat his wife unless she went ahead with her nushuz نشوز: > 1. advise them this needs a conversation between the spouses without any violence, but maybe by a good remainder of some verses of the Qur'an etc. > 2. forsake them in bed oh? he wanted to beat her because she refused intercourse, now -in fact-he is asked to "punish her" by the same before even thinking of beating her softly! > 3. strike them. this is where this husband wants to start :(, but it can't be unless he left a few days or weeks pass, because of 2.! Note that a wife isn't nashiz if the husband is not a good Muslim if she refuses sharing his bed. Also note that the Qur'an always use the terms "and if you fear" when referring to the relationship husband/wife, so this practice is hardly going ahead with what Allah asks and wants as to do. See also https://islam.stackexchange.com/questions/27525/wifes-tamkin-and-marital-rape/27526#27526 > **7. If I want to get another wife, or two or three, it is my right, and Allah has recommended it, so if you were a good Muslim you will even help me search for a wife. However, if I do find one, you cannot object to me wanting to be a better Muslim.** This husband seems not to have any idea of women, and their feelings, a new wife would never ever think of finding an other wife for her husband. But a wife whom may have lived long enough with her husband and understand his needs and might be aware that she can't fulfil all his desires or a woman whom just can't fulfil them no more for some reasons might help in that case. The Qur'an however is clear that having more than one wife is only allowed if a husband is able to threat them equally and that is practically impossible, especially when it comes to feelings. ---------- So far these comments are only based on shari'a without any relation to the rule saying "obey the law of the land" based on fulfilling contracts ([5:1][12]) (see https://islam.stackexchange.com/questions/1803/what-are-counter-arguments-for-those-who-do-not-admit-to-the-laws-of-a-secular-c/1804#1804) as @Kilise reminded me in the comment! Of course the husband can define his home as a separate caliphate and apply them there, and there only ;)! Rejecting the contract is of course theoretically possible, but usually marriage contracts of Muslims are only made in Muslim countries, I've witnessed a marriage where no contract was made -in means of quoting mahr conditions of spouses etc.-, so I only know that in Morocco a contract is prescribed by the authorities (even if not always applied in some rural environments), so in practice the chance is few that such a contract would have any official value in a non-Muslim country. [1]: http://legacy.quran.com/2/228 [2]: http://legacy.quran.com/4/34 [3]: https://www.sunnah.com/urn/1319310 [4]: http://fatwa.islamweb.net/fatwa/index.php?page=showfatwa&Option=FatwaId&Id=8083 [5]: https://legacy.quran.com/24/31 [6]: https://www.sunnah.com/tirmidhi/36/93 [7]: https://www.sunnah.com/abudawud/43/60 [8]: https://www.sunnah.com/urn/516870 [9]: https://sunnah.com/muslim/12/107 [10]: https://sunnah.com/bukhari/93/43 [11]: http://legacy.quran.com/4/34/ [12]: http://legacy.quran.com/5/1