Of course, engaging in actual sexual intercourse is forbidden during the day during Ramadan. But are other types of sexual activity between a husband and wife permitted? If so, what is permitted and what is forbidden?
For example,
Is there a general rule to what is allowed and what isn't?
Some evidences
I'll list here some evidences:
It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives [for sexual relations]. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them. Allah knows that you used to deceive yourselves, so He accepted your repentance and forgave you. So now, have relations with them and seek that which Allah has decreed for you. And eat and drink until the white thread of dawn becomes distinct to you from the black thread [of night]. Then complete the fast until the sunset. And do not have relations with them as long as you are staying for worship in the mosques. These are the limits [set by] Allah , so do not approach them. Thus does Allah make clear His ordinances to the people that they may become righteous. (2:187)
This verse clearly shows that Allah knows the effort we made by denying our desires during the day of Ramadan and that we are allowed to have legal relations with our wives during the night times. It also shows that we should even deny our lusts more if we are doing I'tikaf (staying for worship in the mosques).
I and Masruq went to 'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) and asked. her if the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) embraced (his wives) while fasting. She said: Yes; but he had the greatest control over his desire among you: or he was one of those who had control over his desire. (see for example in sahih Muslim)
The Prophet (ﷺ) used to kiss and embrace (his wives) while he was fasting, and he had more power to control his desires than any of you. (Sahih al-Bukhari)
This hadith is used as an evidence for all those who say that kissing between spouses is allowed. It basically allows even more. But most scholars who say so say a person should be able to control his desires!
This can also be concluded from this hadith:
A man asked the Prophet (ﷺ) whether one who was fasting could embrace (his wife) and he gave him permission; but when another man came to him, and asked him, he forbade him. The one to whom he gave permission was an old man and the one whom he forbade was a youth. (Sunan abi Dawod)
Therefore some scholars prohibited it as the hadith says that the prophet had the greatest control over his desire which doesn't apply to us!
On the goals of fasting
Among the reasons and goals of fasting you may find:
"Ihsan is to worship Allah as if you see Him, and if you do not achieve this state of devotion, then (take it for granted that) Allah sees you." (See for example in sahih al-Bukhari)
Therefore we should ask ourselves why would we even think about following our lusts, when we would have the chance to follow them on the same day is it that difficult? Have we already failed in an early stage to reach the level of Ihsan ...
Some related rulings
From the given evidences we know that anything, but intercourse is basically allowed as long as we have control on our selves, so what are the limits and what are the rulings when we've got to far?
As when we go to far we may reach a couple of undesirable "goals":
Here some basic rulings:
In case of real intercourse (with penetration) a kafarah is necessary. Scholars discussed the matter of a wife who couldn't stop her husband and said only the husband needs to pay it (and depending on her situation she might or might not even need to make up that day).
If any of the spouses ejaculates (without penetration) -only- this person needs to make up that day of fast as the fast is invalid. Note that some madhhabs (hanbali, maliki) even consider madhy as the ejaculation invalidating the fast.
A person who ejaculated without having intercourse, kissing ... or touching the spouse for example by day dreaming or during a wet dream only needs to perform ghusl. As this person had no real intercourse nor anything leading to it.
Nevertheless it is strongly encouraged to keep away of anything which may lead to have intercourse while fasting. And strongly discouraged to put oneself in such a situation where one may loose control!
Awuthubilahiminasheiydunirajim, Bisimillahirahmanirahim, There is ruling that kissing is allowed as long as it does not create the arousal among you two. and of course, you two are married couple. During the holy month of Ramadan, I heard one Hadith mentioned that generally indicate that when fasting, a young man was told kiss becomes haram for him when his kissing cause arousal, however, in general, kissing is allowed since our beloved Prophet Mohammad (pbu) did kiss his wife during fasting . Then there is an discussion on what kind of kissing so that not to cause arousal (I read about it and heard from a sheikh a while ago, but not sure which specific hadith shows it, plz help ref if you do know)...
===Reference===
Kisses are permitted: Bukhari-Volume 3, Book 31, Number 149: Narrated 'Aisha:
The Prophet used to kiss and embrace (his wives) while he was fasting, and he had more power to control his desires than any of you. Said Jabir, "The person who gets discharge after casting a look (on his wife) should complete his fast."
Kisses are haram for young man that kisses trigger their sexual desire:
Attempting to find the resource, fix if wish inshaAllah
Ask yourself, what's the purpose of Ramadhan ?
You will then know what's forbidden.
Please be true to yourself when thinking and let not your desire take the lead.
O ye who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint 2:183 .
It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives 2:187
Ramadhan is all about "self-restraint", so restraint from sexual desire when you are fasting. IMHO, The better is to stay away from even kissing since we know how Satan and our "Self/Nafs" can have as influence
With Peace
