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Selam aleykum,

my father is violent towards me, my sisters and mother, since my childhood, which traumatized me a lot and give me a lot of deficits in my life such a psychosomatic knee pain. I have a lack of trust and feel in survival mode and live in fear. At certain times i feel really worthless, useless and unsafe followed by guilt. This feelings and pain came up everytime i got triggerd in worklife, new or unknown situations, the pain is sometimes unbearable. I started to pray, which helped me a lot ( i can not fully kneel, which makes me feel uneasy since i am really active and fit person), but i stopped after i got knee pains again, because i could not focus on the prayers. I noticed i felt much lighter and painfree, when i lived alone, but moved back to my parents house to help them financally. To deal with my psychosomatic pain i tried to talk to a therapist, but could not open up, because i felt ashamed, like its my fault and i dont want to confirm peoples prejudices.

How ever i dont know how to deal with my father anymore, talking to him did not helped, he dont feel sorry, and said i deserved to get beaten, i try to distance myself from him. But he is the reason why i do not want to get married, because i am so scared of getting abused again. Does anyone have similar situations and know how to deal or which prayers can help for the pain, anxiety, suicidal thought, doubts etc., because i know its wrong to think that way in islam. We all have a purpose and are worthy. Insallah i will go the right path and strengthen my deen.

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  • Salam and welcome. I feel really sorry for you and pray to Allah that he has mercy upon you and keep you steadfast on the straight path, Aameen. However, this site is not for personal advice questions so we cannot help you. It is better you ask a local Imam or Shaykh(ah) or someone else you trust or try again with the therapsit and open up to them however much possible (Perhaps try another therapist). Always remember that being abused in childhood is never your fault and children don't deserve to be abused, especially to the extent that it effects them in adutlhood. You are not to blame! Commented Jun 11 at 11:22
  • If, however, you can edit this question into one specific pin-pointed query, then we might be able to help you. Please see islam.stackexchange.com/help/how-to-ask Commented Jun 11 at 11:23

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