Assalamualeikum, I am married and found out that my husband is gay.He says it's not his choice to be like this, but I'm afraid it's a sin to stay with him, I don't know what to do.Is it a sin to continue living with him or should I get a divorce?Or is this a test from Allah?
1 Answer
Bismillah Hir Rahmaan Nir Raheem
As Salaamu 3laykum,
I hope you and your family are doing well. First and foremost we have to understand that being gay/lesbian is a choice a person makes. Just as a person makes a choice to act on his wishes/desires. For example I might act like a cat but that doesn't make me a cat. Or like a child pretends to be a tree or whatever it doesn't mean they become that. So we have to differentiate that the desire/urge within is not blameworthy as it is a test from ALLAAH (Glory Be To Him). What is blameworthy and is punishable is how that person acts on those desires/urges. So if someone has the urge to punch someone but they don't then Alhamdullilah they receive reward for holding back. But if they punch someone then they become blameworthy and receive a sin. The following hadith (Prophetic saying) states:
Whosoever intended to perform a good deed, but did not do it, then ALLAAH writes it down with Himself as a complete good deed. And if he intended to perform it and then did perform it, then ALLAAH writes it down with Himself as from ten good deeds up to seven hundred times, up to many times multiplied. And if he intended to perform an evil deed, but did not do it, then ALLAAH writes it down with Himself as a complete good deed. And if he intended it [i.e., the evil deed] and then performed it, then ALLAAH writes it down as one evil deed.” [Al-Bukhari] [Muslim].
I would highly suggest you and your husband read what I have written above and below this sentence. It is highly important to note that your marriage is still intact. I would highly recommend seeking a scholar or Muslim therapist who can guide you in person. Or you may message me on the side through stackexchange and I may help as well.
Everything we do / say is a test. Whether in the form of your husband , children, neighbors, family , the world. Inshaa ALLAAH I will make dua for you and your husband.
Next steps:
- Keep making dua for him and keep talking to him that it is a test
- Read surah Falaq (Chapter 113) and Surah Nas (Chapter 114) 21 times each blow it on water and let him drink it on a daily basis.
- Let him start reciting surah #64 Surah al-Taghaabun everyday at least 3, 5, 7 times depending on how easy he can recite.
- I would recommend he stay away from websites/people that urge him in negative desires
- I recommend he take a testosterone test to see if his levels are normal
Have a Nice Day!
Note #1: If you downvote my answer, please be courteous and say why you downvoted in a comment below.
Note #2: This is my own personal answer that I have derived from what I have researched.
