0

Today, I've watched a video on Youtube regarding common martial issues and got to know that the origin of those marital problems is in the concept of "Joint Family" -(which you will see in the sub-continent), most of the time 2 scenarios are happening in the joint families, either the in-laws are wrong and evildoer or the wives are the evil persons in making of those chaoses in the family. And it is totally unacceptable -the habit of living together under the same roof ; and in those family a man marries a woman and she is bound to act like a servant of his family and this is not islam -- these are things I've learnt so far from the video (made by a renowned Sheikh).

My question is, what would be the perfect flawless family format, in what structure the family should construct in, if the sons start living separately then whom the parents will live with? Or who will take care of them, you know what I mean. So please provide me with an eloquent elaborate answer of this matter with authentic evidences.

Thanks in Advance! Jazakallah!

2
  • 1
    Don't mix culture with Islam. In-Laws living with their married son is a cultural thing. I think the in-laws, if they can, should live separately from their married son who's already an adult and let his marriage develop naturally with his newly wedded wife. Many in-laws who live with their married sons are constantly criticizing, even insulting the wife creating tension and bad chemistry within the marriage. So I'd definitely say NO in-laws should live with their newly-wed child and their spouse. Let them develop their marriage and enjoy their married life.
    – YoMango
    Apr 23, 2023 at 10:36
  • Prophet Muhammad would help his wives with their duties and his affection, kind treatment, and love for them was sincere and apparent. Unfortunately, messed up cultural notions comes into play for some of these people and they mistreat their wife treating her horribly and like a servant which is opposite of what the Prophet did. Anybody who does this type of ill-treatment is ignorant and this is why one should be very careful who they marry and genuinely know that person before they marry them.
    – YoMango
    Apr 23, 2023 at 10:40

2 Answers 2

2

There is no one-size-fits-all solution. Islam neither obligates living together like this, nor does it forbid it. Rather it is permitted to adopt either approach based on whatever suits your circumstances.

It is permissible for the wife to live under the same roof as the husband's family. See can a husband stay with his 4 wives under one roof?, as the same law applies i.e. it is permissible when the wife agrees or when the wife is provided a separate accommodation and facilities under the same roof. So calling it "totally unacceptable" is wrong. Take as an example the hadith of Jabir:

عن جابر، قال قال لي رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏‏ هل نكحت يا جابر ‏‏‏.‏ قلت نعم‏.‏ قال ‏‏ ماذا أبكرا أم ثيبا ‏‏‏.‏ قلت لا بل ثيبا‏.‏ قال ‏‏ فهلا جارية تلاعبك ‏‏‏.‏ قلت يا رسول الله، إن أبي قتل يوم أحد وترك تسع بنات كن لي تسع أخوات، فكرهت أن أجمع إليهن جارية خرقاء مثلهن، ولكن امرأة تمشطهن وتقوم عليهن‏.‏ قال ‏‏ أصبت ‏‏‏

Narrated Jabir:

"Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said to me, "Have you got married O Jabir?" I replied, "Yes." He asked "What, a virgin or a matron?" I replied, "Not a virgin but a matron." He said, "Why did you not marry a young girl who would have fondled with you?" I replied, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! My father was martyred on the day of Uhud and left nine (orphan) daughters who are my nine sisters; so I disliked to have another young girl of their age, but (I sought) an (elderly) woman who could comb their hair and look after them." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "You have done the right thing."

Bukhari

Taking care of the parents is the responsibility of their son, not of his wife. Although the wife can be convinced to assist in it voluntarily. And if the wife lives in a separate house then it is not necessary for the husband to remain with her 24/7 rather he can divide his time between his parents and his spouse. And he can also hire servants to perform cooking and cleaning etc. for them.

-1

A perfect family sturcture in view of Islam is of the family of prophet (Ahl-ul-Bayt). The Qur'an says about them as :

_O Ahl al-Bayt, and to purify you completely. [Al-Ahzaab 33:33]

There are numerous canonical hadiths (easy to find !) in both sunni and shiite sources , with many regarding their daily life, which can be an inspiration for Muslim family structures. Listing all of them here would be impractical.

You must log in to answer this question.

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged .