My dad has always been rude to me and called me names, when I was growing up he would always hit me and even call me names… however,he barely does the things he used to do in the past. He just yells! one day he called me a really bad name and was screaming towards me which got me so angry and mad. I may still have a grudge from the past but when he called me that name I swore at him behind his back , but i instantly regret it especially when I approached him and he was being nice like nothing happened. He is known to have anger issues and may be bipolar but I can’t stop thinking about it and feel like crap not knowing how i said these things about my dad. It hurts me even more since I have been trying to search about this topic but every single article states that Allah will forgive only if my dad forgives me. However, I don’t know how I would bring this up and tell him that I cussed him behind his back. There was no one around but my sister since she shares a room with me!
Do I have to ask for his forgiveness even though i said it in private? Do I have to tell him the things I said about him or just ask Allah for forgiveness? I’m so ashamed and I keep crying when I think of it. I know I will never do it again inshallah. Please help me this is driving me crazy