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Is it okay to backbite someone with one's self? For example, if I become very angry with someone, then I go to my room and talk to myself things like "Why is he so stupid?". Backbiting normally happens when you slander someone in their absence with others. In this case, I don't slander the person in question with others but only with myself.

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The Prophet (Salallahu 'Alaihi wa sallam) said:

"Backbiting is saying about your brother that which he dislikes."

So the saying of the Prophet (Salallahu 'alaihi wassalam) is general and it can be applied whether you are alone or with someone. Therefore, mentioning what your brother dislikes while you are alone is considered backbiting which is impermissible.

Reference: Shaykh Ibn Baaz answers a similar question

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There is a quote which I like to live by:

Righteous people don't even backbite in their thoughts

And Backbiting is not merely talking to other people about the bad habits or revealing sins of others. Backbiting could even maybe praising someone to an extent - backbiting is something that if the person hears and they would not like it; maybe it would hurt them... This is considered back biting. Notice this too:

Abu Hamzah Anas bin Malik (may God be pleased with him), who was the servant of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“None of you truly believes (in Allah and in His religion) until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself”

[Bukhari and Muslim]

This is a disease of the Heart "For example, if I become very angry with someone, then I go to my room and talk to myself things like "Why is he so stupid?" - Such an individual shows an evil nature - should this person not be humble and make dua for a person and forgive them for their mistakes? Sure... We can get angry with people and bad thoughts come to mind... but it is best to try not to IMO.

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    I get extremely angry because the people sin so much and in public. For example, I'm indirectly mocked for not drinking alcohol. How would you feel if someone told you something like "Yeah I drink alcohol, party, watch movies, listen to music and you don't do anything but I still get better grades than you"? "Anger for the sake of Allah is praiseworthy and recommended, such as anger when seeing evil actions" -islamqa.info/en/ref/5733 – user926 Mar 17 '13 at 3:34
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I agree. That's still backbiting. But the only real question here is about counter backbiting. What is it to backbite someone cause they backbit you first? That could either be fair retaliation, or merely backbiting.

Woe to every backbiter, slanderer. Qur'an 104:1

But listen to what Allah said at the end of 49:12.

O ye who believe! Avoid much suspicion. In some cases suspicion is a sin. Nor spy on others. Nor backbite (against one another). Would any of you love to eat the flesh of your dead brother? You would abhor it. Wa taqullaha. Innallaha Tawabbur Rahim. But fear Allah/be mindful of Allah. Revere Allah. Be pious, and keep away from sin/disobedience. Surely, Allah is the accepter of repentance, Most Merciful.

This is so wonderful to hear. Especially since the Qur'an is only (pure) true to Allah unlike any other book. SubhanAllah.

So, still feel wrong about backbiting. O Allah, please forgive me for backbiting, and save me from sin. Astaghfirullah. I turn in repentance to You Allah, and I only seek to obey You Allah here on, and in the future. Only Allah can forgive sins. Truly, Allah always returns repentance with Forgiveness, and Mercy. Alhamdullilah. Shukrulilillah for the Qur'an.

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