My elder brother is an atheist and so much rude & cruel to us that sometimes he even beats my parents specially my mother is the victim! You can't imagine what he has done to my family. I don't want to mention these scenarios , just assume that a 25 years old strong healthy sound minded person (atheist) who have no fear of Allah and several times he had thrown away the Quran, tore it off and disgraced it! What else can he do to us?
When I close my eyes and think about him I see nothing but extremely bad memories! we're the victim of his oppression since 2011-12! So my question is short & simple:
Is he still considered as my family member? Do I have to keep the relation with him?

  • This question is mainly addressed in Is it wrong to sever ties of kinship in the case of an abusive relative?
    – Medi1Saif
    Commented Nov 16, 2021 at 13:30
  • medi1saif and UmH may Allah bless you in every affairs of yours and your loved ones in this life and in the hereafter. Keep me & my parents in your prayers!
    – Hasan
    Commented Nov 16, 2021 at 17:20
  • As Salaamu 3laykum, please see my answer below regardless of the votes.
    – Ahmed
    Commented Nov 20, 2021 at 15:28

1 Answer 1


Bismillah Hir Rahmaan Nir Raheem

As Salaamu 3laykum,

I hope you are doing well. We have to first recall that we were created to worship ALLAH (Glory Be To Him).

And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me. (Quraan, chapter 51 verse 56)

So this whole world is an amusement and a playground. Think of it a temporary layover when travelling from one place to another.

And this worldly life is not but diversion and amusement. And indeed, the home of the Hereafter - that is the [eternal] life, if only they knew. (Quraan, chapter 29 verse 64)

In this travel of life you will encounter all types of people. We should stay away from labeling anyone good or bad. Let ALLAH (Glory Be To Him) decide that. When it comes to your older brother , he is still your brother. You should still respect him and show kindness towards him. Never sever the ties of relationship with your family.

the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Merely maintaining the ties of kinship is not adequate. But connecting the ties of kinship is when his ties to the womb are severed and he connects it." (Tirmidhi)

We also see during the Prophet (peace be upon him) time he was treated badly however he turned back to them with kindness.

Ibn Sa’d, the early biographer and historian, narrated in his work on history, al-Tabaqat, through ‘Aisha may Allah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (peace be upon him) was reported to have said, “I was [living, in Mecca] between the two worst neighbors [one could have]: between Abu Lahab [his uncle and sworn enemy] and ‘Uqbah ibn Abi M’uayt [who once threw a sheep’s insides on his blessed head, peace be upon him, while he was praying]. Indeed, they would come with bloodied intestines and throw it on my doorstep…” [al-Tabaqa, Ibn Sa’d, as quoted in Suyuti’s Jami’ al Kabir]


Aisha reported: She asked the Prophet (peace be upon him), “Have you encountered a day harder than the battle of Uhud?” The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Your tribes have troubled very much, and the worst was the day of Aqaba when I presented myself to Ibn Abd Yalail ibn Abd Kulal and he did not respond to what I intended. I departed, overwhelmed with excessive sorrow, and I could not relax until I found myself at a tree where I lifted my head towards the sky to see a cloud shading me. I looked up and saw Gabriel in it. He called me saying: ALLAH has heard your people’s saying to you and how they have replied, and ALLAH has sent the Angel of the Mountains to you that you may order him to do whatever you wish to these people. The Angel of the Mountains greeted me and he said: O Muhammad (peace be upon him), order what you wish, and if you like, I will let the mountains fall on them.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “No, rather I hope that ALLAH will bring from their descendants people who will worship ALLAH alone without associating partners with him.” (Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 3231, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1759)

Furthermore, if you were to sever the ties of kinship then I will give this warning:

the Messenger of ALLAH said: "The one who severs ties will not enter Paradise." Ibn Abi 'Umar said: "Sufyan said: 'Meaning: Ties of the womb." (Tirmidhi)

What Can You Do?

  • Take him out for lunch or do any activity that show that you care for him

  • Talk about anything other than Islam, just be his brother, and when you feel you can talk to him then share some things about Islam little by little

  • Try to gain a relationship of trust with him by sharing your feelings regarding his attitude and mannerisms, etc.

  • See if he is a open to seeing a psychologist to talk about his anger and issues

  • Recite the last two verse of Surah Baqarah (Quraan Chapter 2) every night

    The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, ALLAH issued a decree before He created the heavens and the earth by a thousand years. He sent down two verse for the end of Surat al-Baqarah. They are not recited in a house but that Satan will not come near it.” (Tirmidhi)

Inshaa ALLAH I hope things become better. We should all make dua for ourselves and for all human beings and jinns that they believe in ALLAH (Glory Be To Him) and His last messenger (peace be upon him).

Have a nice day!

  • 3
    The core part of this answer is wrong. Keeping ties of kinship is not required towards disbelieving relatives who are hostile to Islam. This is evident from 9:23, 58:22, 60:4 etc. You mention Uqbah ibn Abi M’uayt as an example of kindness (even though it is not relevant to ties of kinship) but you seem to have missed out that he was actually captured in the battle of Badr and was beheaded on the command of the Prophet.
    – UmH
    Commented Nov 16, 2021 at 16:18
  • As Salaamu 3laykum @UmH , I hope you are doing well. None of the verses you have mentioned say to sever the ties of kinship. Allies / loyalty is different then severing ties of kinship. Allies mean you have taken an alliance or side with that person's faith. Which of course no Muslim sacrifices his faith. Regarding Uqbah is that you never see the Prophet give up teaching him Islam until he went too far and threatened Islam. Same with Prophet Nuh even up to end of moments of his sons life he is asking ALLAH to help him (quran.com/11:45?font=v1&translations=131%2C20).
    – Ahmed
    Commented Nov 16, 2021 at 16:52

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