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Assalamu alaykum (at first sorry for my bad english, im german)

I wanted to ask something that has been on my mind for a very long time, I've tried to somehow everywhere to get to know what is in my power but unfortunately I didn't get much smarter In shaa Allah you have to know a little more and maybe have Tafsire, scholarly statements or madhab statements etc. about it

It's about the subject of lowering glances ...

So I and my wife often have arguments because she always accuses me of looking at other women when we are outside or walking ... (so often it is about non-Muslim women). it is really very difficult and unfortunately I am very much under it I break because of it because we often have arguments ..

I looked for scholarly statements and found something that women are divided into free women and non-free women ... and then non-free non-Muslims ...

I hope you can somehow help me with an Islamic n dalil ... I have so much headache because of it ... is there any proof that a Muslim man is allowed to look at a non-Muslim woman? (Are there then again differences whether one looks at this woman with pleasure or without pleasure)?

And I found a tafsir on Google and the text is this one: 👇 IBN Kathir mentioned in his tafseer (interpretation of the Korans), as he said, '' It is reported that Sufyaan Ath-Thawri, said it: "It is allowed to look at the beauty of the free non-Muslim women in a Muslim country, it is only discouraged to be afraid of them, but it is not forbidden to see them."

We also had an argument, yesterday even, it was about we looked at a documentary and whenever a woman appears whose hair you can see she says I should look away because she is aurah ... but I didn't even look at this woman out of pleasure .... I often look at women WITHOUT lust / lustfull ... but she doesn't understand ... is there any Islamic evidence from scholars (classical scholars and the like) who see it differently? especially not every woman i look at is not even a muslim ... i live in europe and mostly non-muslims live here ...

I am thankful for any help

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    And what exactly is your question? To me this rather looks like if you are looking for a permission to look at foreign women while being married. Do you really think it is appropriate?
    – Medi1Saif
    Nov 8 '21 at 13:53
  • @medi1saif that is not the case, only she often transgresses and accuses me of things that I sometimes do not do at all ... so wrongly assumptions, it gives me a lot of grief and sorrow Nov 8 '21 at 13:58
  • Please take your time and ask a clear concise question we don't need all the circumstances and examples we want to know: What you are asking about and maybe why and what effort you've done so far and results... some of all of these already is present. See How to Ask.
    – Medi1Saif
    Nov 8 '21 at 14:01
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    from what I know looking at another woman wether she's muslim or not with pleasure is haram. But looking at the woman without pleasure is not haram, because it's haram for us to reduce our gaze (so to not cause zina). I think it would be better to have a 5 minute conversation with your wife to discuss this and tell her to stop telling you to stop looking at other women when you don't look at other women, and tell her that whether you look at awra or not it's not her that's gonna judge it's Allah. Overall, just look at your wife, don't look at women. Look at her. Why others if she's enough ? Nov 8 '21 at 15:34
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    Does this answer your question? How bad a sin is looking at other 's awrah? Nov 16 '21 at 12:03
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Bismillah Hir Rahmaan Nir Raheem

As Salaamu 3laykum,

I hope you are doing well. The struggle is real as is this entire life. For some it will be the fight to lower their glances, for others it will be to stop being jealous of others, for others to control their anger, etc. Before going into the evidences I wanted to just say jazakaALLAH Khairan for asking and trying to find an answer to your issue.

With that being said we have to understand when it comes to glances there is a difference between viewing and sexually viewing. Is the glance a lustful glance or a just seeing someone (opposite gender) without lust. Whenever the thought of lust comes then you have to move your eyes away.


Quraan

Do not go near adultery. It is truly a shameful deed and an evil way. (Surah 17 verse 32)

This ayah is general that anything that takes us near adultery/zina has to be avoided. Now I add a hadith to show this point:


Hadith

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "ALLAH has written the very portion of Zina which a man will indulge in. There will be no escape from it. The Zina of the eye is the (lustful) look, the Zina of the ears is the listening (to voluptuous songs or talk), the Zina of the tongue is (the licentious) speech, the Zina of the hand is the (lustful) grip, the Zina of the feet is the walking (to the place where he intends to commit Zina), the heart yearns and desires and the private parts approve all that or disapprove it."

[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]


Some Tips

  • Fasting
  • Moving away from that place you are viewing the girl/woman
  • Lowering testosterone levels to a point where its still safe and not overly stimulating you
  • Squeezing your thigh muscles with thoughts that disgust you (this should help lower your sexual drive in that moment)
  • Cold shower

So if a scholar or any person is saying it is allowed it is due to not having any desire at all behind it. Because if one were to say you cannot see any woman then it should be true that one should not listen to her too which is not the case. We listen to many people like our professors, instructors, managers, store people, Muslim men and women, etc. but it doesn't mean we are doing zina. It is only when we cross the barrier of no desire to even 1 percent of desire that that is the problem. Since sexual need is a very strong force. And that 1 percent of desire can destroy your life and the lives of others.


Have a nice day!

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