Assalamualaikum, I have so much OCD . When I say anything while talking,while making dua and while reading namaz my mind makes lots of oath but I did not utter it verbally during saying but then I doubts whether I makes an oath verbally or not . This happens all the time . This is not in my control . I can't able to study due to this. Is kaffarah waajib on me for breaking this oath . Please tell . Do I suicide. I fear very much of allah and I do not want to go in hell. I hear that allah will not see his face who breaks an oath on the day of qayamah.
First, an oath is something that refers to the past. You give an oath before court (or to any person) that you are telling the truth. You cannot break an oath because it is evident to you at the moment whether you are telling the truth unless you remember something falsely. A false oath is a severe sin, and you should never give an oath on something you are not sure about.
But what you do in your mind, as I understand it, is giving promises. A promise is the expression of a good intention.
We must know that it is not entirely in our hands to keep a promise.
God knows your wishes, your intentions and your fears even before you know them. It does not makea change whether you say it or not. If you have good intentions and feel like promising God to do accordingly, and you fail, and you repent and try again, this is what God loves. Read this hadith of which I do not know the origin either but which is in line with the Message of God, saying (2:128)
Our Lord, and make us submissive to You, and from our descendants a community submissive to You. And show us our rites, and accept our repentance. You are the Acceptor of Repentance, the Merciful.
God loves the repentant, and He loves those who keep clean.
and also a central teaching of Prophet Jesus (p.b.u.h), (Gospel of Luke 15:7)
Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.
Do not worry and be afraid:
God knows that we are not perfect but he loves those who have good intentions, fail, repent and keep to their good intentions.
Say: God, I want to do good. Help me to do it.
And love God with all your heart because He is your Rest and He is Merciful.