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In advance, I'm new to this and I'm coming here out of desperation so sorry if I break any rules or whatever.

I'm sitting here crying because my heart just doesn't feel full anymore. I committed some sins a while ago and even after repenting my heart just feels dead. I listen to the Qur'an and I don't shiver anymore. I can't focus in prayer and I don't cry anymore and end up having to make Sujood of forgetfulness almost every time. I feel awful and I just don't know anymore. I'm scared because I don't want my heart to be hard. I want it to be soft like it was before but I just don't feel the same.

I know Allah has not abandoned me but I'm asking if this is a test or if this is a punishment for the sins which I have committed. I just feel like my heart has just started to drift from the light. I feel nothing in prayer and that makes me feel awful.

so, is this a test? or is this a punishment?

edit: Thanks to the people who responded! today I noticed that I started to feel a bit better and had more concentration in my prayer. I was just in fear because I knew I was the only one to blame for my hearts state and was afraid that it was a punishment. Will be sure to stay steadfast and do my best

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    I’m voting to close this question because it can not be answered as the users of the site are not clairvoyant.
    – UmH
    Aug 3 '21 at 10:42
  • You are under the influnce of Shaitan.
    – Muslim
    Aug 3 '21 at 16:07
  • I'll try to give a short comment but the fact that you feel remorse and guilt indicates that you still have a good level of imaan. Alhamdullilah ... What is needed now from your end is baby steps.. try to visit the Masjid and pray the Fard prayers in congregation, sit with the scholars and seek clarifications from them on your doubts on our deen, involve yourself in social service by helping the old, needy and poor or if you don't have the time, try to give charity. Slowly but surely your imaan will grow stronger and inshallah you will disregard the current waswasa you feel from your Qareen.
    – Ahmed
    Aug 4 '21 at 6:56
  • @Ahmed I would go to the Masjid and I really do want to because I miss it but my parents are old and the Delta variant of covid is doing its rounds here. 3 people have died in my area from the previous wave. my father is 70 and I'm 15 so I'm not at risk but he definitely is. I will do what I can however to increase my Imaan like listen to recitations more, do sunnah prayers and do more dhikr.
    – David Mcn
    Aug 4 '21 at 15:34
  • @UmH apologies this is my first time posting I just was desperate.
    – David Mcn
    Aug 4 '21 at 15:34
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one important thing to know is that Allah will always forgive you, and you are forgiven now so do not worry about that.

and this is not a punishment from Allah. although it could be a test (only allah knows that) but i want you to remember that Allah does not put a burden on someone that which they cannot bear, you are going to be tested many times in this world, and the best thing that you can do is to pray for Allah's help to get you out of your difficult situation and be patient.

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  • Hi, I just would like to say thank you. I've already started to notice a change and that it is getting better. I will keep continuing to pray and remember that Allah is all merciful. I was just saddened because I know this and I knew that I had no one else to blame for the state of my heart other than myself. It will get better Alhamdulilah and it will get better soon Inshallah
    – David Mcn
    Aug 4 '21 at 15:17
  • that is so good to hear, I hope it gets even better soon
    – muslim1738
    Aug 13 '21 at 13:53

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