Does Allah love all His believers equally? Sometimes I am really scared that maybe He no longer loves me. My life now is full of hardships, to the point that I pray for death but even that is not granted. My family calls me worthless and curse me for my smallest mistakes, I cannot marry for no man says a word back after they see my bio data. Nor can I go abroad because I lack funds. I suffer from severe depression to the point that even getting out of bed is difficult. Going to a doctor is impossible because of how bad corona situation is. So I am unable to pray my salah or even function properly. I feel so stuck that death seems the only beautiful release. Yet Allah refuses to grant me even death. So I wonder is it possible that at times Allah can stop caring about His believer?
As Usman has written, Allah has tested His loved and best ones. Regarding yearning for death, it is better not to do so. Rather ask Allah to make the situation better for you. Allah is in complete control of every single thing. Bear in mind that not a single thorn is run into your finger unless it is beneficial for you.
May Allah better your situation. You are, in sha Allah, going to shine in your life.
The prophets were the ones who faced the most hardships. Take Prophet Ibrahim AS as an example. He lived in a time where idols were more worshipped than Allah and when he would preach he would often be rejected by the people of his village. He was even thrown into a pit of fire but it was his faith and belief in Allah which allowed to to get up from the fire unharmed. Times are tough and life will never be easy but this world is merely a world full of tests. These tests are there to see whether we can still believe in Allah during the darkest times. As epistemophile mentioned in their comment. Allah gives tests to the ones who he loves the most. Persevere and one day insha’allah you will feel much better. I pray that Allah SWT guides you and keeps you protected.