I‘m a 15 year-old boy and unfortunately, since my childhood, I have always been very aggressive and disrespectful to my mother and my father. A couple of months ago, I would always shout at my parents and insult them whenever they shouted at me for doing something wrong. When I was very angry and sad, I would even hit my mother or try to curse my parents by making bad dua. My parents have always told me that it is a great sin to be disrespectful to parents but for some reason I just didn‘t care until now, having read that it is a major sin to disobey one’s parents. Especially when my parents had arguments (and they often do, my father even used to hit my mother and make her cry and she would always curse him) I was really angry with my parents.
However, I have always loved my parents and they have never been really disappointed with me for a long time. They would always forgive me for being rude to them. So in general, we do have a great relationship and we laugh a lot and are really happy together. Now, since a couple of months I feel really bad and cursed by Allah,for I have a big health issue and I feel like or I do strongly believe that this is a punishment by God for disobeying my parents for years, insulting them, cursing them, even hitting them a couple of times.
And now I feel really bad and guilty and have already asked Allah as well as my parents for forgiveness and my parents say I have always been a very nice son, but I know that I should never have behaved like that. Lately, I have been really frustrated and felt like being abandoned by Allah, wherefore I even started to become angry with God. But I know this is another major sin.
Will Allah forgive me and cure my illness (even if it‘s theoretically uncurable) if my parents have forgiven me and if I keep asking Him for forgiveness? I feel very guilty and feel like having ruined my whole life just by being so rude to my parents and I regret it a lot. I try to do my best to respect my parents and stop being rude to them. Will the "curse" and punishment always last on me? I wish I had never insulted my parents this way, making Allah angry... I know Allah is very forgiving, but I think my sins were far too big to be forgiven.