I feel embarrassed and guilty for asking this question but Allah Almighty knows what is in my heart.. I started praying very recently, I'm 23 years old. I got inspired by my father who was making big mistakes in his life and Alhamdulillah he is now a man of God and started praying more, which inspired me to do the same. I am not perfect with my prayers, but I do try. Last night was the first time in my life to offer Qiyam Al-Layl, and I also fasted today since it's Thursday. After maghrib, I got into a huge fight with my mother and I went crazy almost as if shaytaan entered my body. I was angry, full of hate, pain, and could not control my actions. It is the first time I have ever done such a thing.
To be fair, my mother has been causing me much pain over the years. It is not her intention to do so, but I pray Allah gives her guidance. It is fair to say it has been anger built up over the years. However, today has severely damaged our relationship.
Why is it when I strive to be a better Muslim, it's harder for me to continue? I cannot pray Isha because I am afraid. Astaghfurallah. Every time I pray, I get a very bad outcome almost immediately. Please brothers and sisters, offer me guidance. I don't want to lose faith.
God bless you all