My father had been molesting me ever since I was a child and stopped after I revealed to my family what he was doing. But still to this day he makes some inappropriate comments, it is clear he doesn’t understand modesty and most likely will not change. Anyways currently I have to live with him because I am underage but plan to cut off ties with him in the future. He does not seem to repent or accept what he did to me. Inshallah when i get married and have kids, I don’t want to have the man who caused me so much pain and trauma with me in those moments. I don’t know how I can maintain relationships with that horrible man in the future . I am also encouraging my younger sister to stay away from him for her own safety. Will it be a sin if I do so? Does this abusive man have to stay in my life just because he is my father biologically?
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The querstion Is it wrong to sever ties of kinship in the case of an abusive relative seems relevant.– SassirJan 10, 2021 at 14:56
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4Does this answer your question? Is it wrong to "sever ties of kinship" in the case of an abusive relative?– UmHJun 1, 2022 at 11:09
2 Answers
Yes that is absolutely fine, Islam doesn’t tell you to persevere in harm done to you by your parents. Report him to the authorities if you think living with him could cause such a event to occur again. If you don’t want to go that far, at least keep a distance from him like not being alone in a room with him. It is a parent’s duty to look after their children, for them to be the very people who molest their children is despicable.
There is an absolute consensus of Muslim scholars on this principle, according to the Kuwaiti Encyclopedia of Fiqh:
Harm is forbidden and avoiding it is an obligation by consensus, as long as it does not expose a greater harm. In that case, harm is committed in accordance with the agreed upon rule: lesser harm is committed to protect from a greater harm.
[Source: al-Mawsū’at al-Fiqhīyah al-Kuwaytīyah 2/356]
In your case, cutting ties with your father is a lesser harm than you being molested so it is fine for you to do it.
And Allah knows best
Assalamu alaikum
Your father should be encouraged to come near to Allah, and be reminded of his meeting with Him and should be made aware that these actions he is doing is totally horrific and totally contradicts fatherhood and that he will be made accountable for them in front of Allah if he wasn't to change his ways for the best and make amends with those he has hurt, including yourself
Interpretation of the meaning:
“Let there arise out of you a group of people inviting to all that is good (Islam), enjoining Al-Ma‘roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do) and forbidding Al-Munkar (polytheism and disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden). And it is they who are the successful” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:104]
“Those among the Children of Israel who disbelieved were cursed by the tongue of Dawood (David) and ‘Eesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary). That was because they disobeyed (Allaah and the Messengers) and were ever transgressing beyond bounds. They used not to forbid one another from Al-Munkar (wrong, evildoing, sins, polytheism, disbelief) which they committed. Vile indeed was what they used to do [al-Maa’idah 5:78]
“O my son! Aqim-is-Salaah (perform As-Salaah), enjoin (on people) Al-Ma‘roof (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allaah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily, these are some of the important commandments (ordered by Allaah with no exemption)” [Luqmaan 31:17]
He is still your father so you would still have to keep ties with him and show him kindness so long as there isn't a danger of falling into any haraam actions; just stay at a distance from him and never stay with him alone.
All this summarizes the following ayah; interpretation of the meaning: “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly” [Luqmaan 31:15]
- that we shouldn't obey the haraam act the parent tries to make you do
But,
- that even then we should behave with our parents kindly (the example of shirk used in the ayah, and this rule would then obviously apply to any evil act as shirk is the most major sin).
And Allah knows best
May Allah make it easy for you, and protect you and your siblings from harm. Ameen
