Hi I am a born muslim and have practiced islam and still do. I had this bad habit of listening to music in the morning and I wanted to leave that habit therefore one night a thought came in my mind if I listen to music in the morning I won’t be a a muslim anymore. This thought made me think I would not listen to it in the morning yet I still did but does that I am not a muslim anymore. I did not utter those words out of my mouth. I did also not stop believing and Allah and his Rusool. I did repent and cried to Allah I was not meant to fall out of my Imaan and I did not. Please help me. Once a before this I also once said as a joke to my teacher he was giving out holiday to non muslims for Diwali and I said to him I am converting for a day and then reconverting. I also repented for that. I have cried and repented day and night to Allah. these both are clear apostasy and Allah in Surah Al Imran said he forgives apostasy only once. Please help me I am depressed and my mental stability is not in great state thinking I am doomed.
no it is not apostasy. Allah did set the Islam rules. not me, not you! So do not worry about "thoughts" or "whispers" in your mind! Allah is merciful and do forgive you if you really want to stay out of sins. apostasy happens when you completely reject Islam in a stable condition.
let me tell you something about whispers, memes, bad thoughts ... just ignore them, and pray Allah.
قُلْ یا عِبادِیَ الَّذِینَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لاتَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللّهِ إِنَّ اللّهَ یَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِیعاً إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِیم