ASSALAMULAIKUN. I have a girlfriend whom I really love, I only love her and have my conversations with her. I don't maintain serious relationships with any other girls. Our relationship have successfully sustained for 6 years. I sometimes sleep with her but I make sure that we both don't have intercourse during sleep. I use a condom and also wear an underwear and I make sure she also wears an underwear whenever she sleep with me. I really want to marry her one day but my parents don't like me talking to girls who does not wear scarf . But I know that although she is a fashionist , she is religious minded and staying with her gives me spirit and strength. Our relationship is also secret and hidden from my parents. I only sleep with her when our parents are away from house. She is my neighbor by the way. There were times when she fell sick and was alone in the house. So as she lived next door she called me in. I also gave her a medicine named suppository to bring her fever down. It is a medicine that is to be taken rectally so I had to put my finger in her back passage for about 20 times through out our relationship. But we never had intercourse where I put my penis into her vagina. But she did touch my penis with her hand sometimes . We most of the time feel guilty for what we are doing. We know we are commiting major sins but we really love each other. I want to marry her one day and turn everything into halal. I pray and repent to ALLAH so that he forgives us and help us marry each other and get a happy and peaceful life but my parents may not agree. I also pray a lot for her well being. Now will ALLAH really forgive us or are we angering ALLAH . Also will our marriage be HALAL if I marry her without my parents consent, her parents like me a lot but my parents really hate our neighbors. Someone please give me some advise. I strongly apologize for writing all these nasty things in such a holy website. May ALLAH keep everyone safe. Ameen.
Imam al-Tabari's tafsir says:
وقَوْلُهُ :( فَاِسْتَغْفَرُوهُ )، يَقُولُ : اِعْمَلُوا عَمَلًا يَكُونُ سَبَبًا لِسَتْرِ اللَّهُِ عَلَيكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ ، وَذَلِكَ الْإيمَانُ بِهِ ، وَإِخْلاَصُ الْعِبَادَةِ لَهُ دُونَ مَا سِوَاهُ ، واتِّبَاعُ رَسُولِهُ صَالِحٌ ،( ثُمَّ تُوبُوا إِلَيه )، يَقُولُ : ثُمَّ اُتْرُكُوا مِنَ الْأَعْمَالِ مَا يَكْرَهُهُ رَبُّكُمْ ، إِلَى مَا يَرْضَاهُ وَيُحِبُّهُ
"Regarding ('Seek his forgiveness..') it is said: Do deeds which will be a means for which God will cover and expiate your sins. That is faith in Him, and sincerity in worship to Him without anything else. And to follow His messenger, Salih. Regarding ('Then turn unto Him..') it is said: Then abandon deeds that your Lord hates, and move towards that which pleases Him and that He loves.."
So (فاستغفروه) means to seek His forgiveness and to engage in deeds that will expiate for your sins and (ثُمَّ تُوبُوا إِلَيْهِ) is to abandon the deeds for which you are seeking forgiveness, and all other iniquitous deeds. That is the only sincere way you will be turning (توبوا) to Him. (Quoted here)
Allah (swt) is ever-forgiven to those that repent sincerely and not reverting to the sin, especially a major one. If you intend to marry her and your parents don't like you, try to convince them for it is better for you and her and the marriage itself.
Allah knows best