Assalamu Alaikum,

I have a question about what the view of Islam is on exposing the sins of others in order to humilate them and destroy their good image. Also, about cutting ties with immediate family - mother, father and siblings.

There is a sin that I was exposed to by three of my older siblings at the age of three. The trauma of those experiences still sticks with me to this very day. I grew up witnessing every single one of my siblings commit this same sin continuously. It was something that I knew they all did - except one of them. I'd never seen him do it and had no evidence he had. He was one of the three that had exposed me to it at the age of three but ever since then, I hadn't seen him do it. I myself was not guilty of this sin...yet.

I eventually fell into this same sin until it became something I did on a regular basis. Nobody knew I did this too. In fact, nobody would have ever guessed that someone who prays five times a day, recites and memorises Quran, is a straight A student, spends their spare time doing volunteer work and has not a single speck on their squeaky clean reputation would ever do such a thing. But every son of Adam sins I guess. I never told anyone I was guilty of this sin, I repented each time and prayed to Allah swt to rid me of it. I cried to Allah swt about it and begged him to help me out of my situation.

Then, my sibling one day barged into my room, searched through my things right in front of me, never said a single word to me and left. He had found out that I was guilty of this sin - the exact same sin I'd witnessed every single one of my other siblings commit, except him of course. He never confronted me about it, advised me to stop or reminded me of Allah swt. No. Instead, he went behind my back and secretly told every single family member of ours about my sin and didn't stop until they all knew the details of what I'd done. Not a single one of them ever approached me to ask me what was going on, advise me or try to lovingly help me.

None of it was about love of course. It was a way of making it known to every single person that this perfect person that had made them feel inadequate in comparison about their achievements/lives for so long, isn't actually all that perfect and this was excellent evidence to prove it. To tear down a good Muslim's name and reputation for no reason other than to feel better about themselves. To feel less pathetic and less inadequate. Once I had slowly began realising what he had done, because of the looks I started getting from family members, I became depressed and isolated. I couldn't face anyone because of the sheer humiliation of having my image and dignity torn to complete shreds like that. This was five years ago this summer, but since then I have developed severe depression, crippling anxiety and trust issues. I hardly leave the house, don't speak to a single family member except out of necessity and have lost a lot of friendships over the years because of my isolation. I cry myself to sleep most nights and usually fall asleep crying myself to sleep. I have lived in complete darkness, isolation, misery and loneliness for half a decade of my life because of what my family did to me.

Not a single one of them feels remorseful over what happened then. They feel it was their right to do that to me. I guess knowing my inner most secrets and sins is something they felt was urgent public information. They didn't realise what it cost me. I tried killing myself not long after that happened and have failed to do so three times since then. My imaan went in the gutter because I just couldn't understand what I had done to deserve this kind of abuse, backbiting and humilation.

What is so hilarious is that since what happened to me five years ago, I have literally witnessed with my own two eyes my father and my sister commit the exact same sin. My sister once went to my mother about me committing the same sin again that my brother had exposed me for and my mother stopped speaking to me. Then just TWO DAYS later I watched her do the exact same thing. She looked horrified when she realised I knew she was guilty of the exact same sin. I didn't say a thing to a single soul that day. None of the times I found out they were guilty of the same thing was intentional, I grew up basically walking in on these sorts of things. I've never really cared to go search for other people's faults. We live in the same house, I've seen all kinds of things I've never wanted to see but I always kept my mouth shut and looked the other way.

The brother that exposed me has always been an incredibly secretive kind of person. He's always locked his door whenever he leaves it, even if he's just getting up to go to the bathroom. He always keeps the key on him as well. So I'm guessing he must have something to hide, but to be honest, I don't care and I'm not really interested in exposing his sins to get even. I just want out of all of this.

My family have never been supportive of me, they've never cared about any kind of goal I pursue and turn their noses up whenever I achieve something, they've never congratulated me or helped me achieve anything. I've had to do a lot of things alone. The only thing they know how to do is backbite about me, slander me and humilate me. I guess it must stem from a deep sense of jealously and envy. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to better myself now but I can't do it in an environment so toxic and unbearable that I feel the only way out is suicide? Trust me, that's no a life anyone wants to live.

I want to cut all ties with all of them and disappear. I don't want revenge, I just want out. I want to be free and I want to be safe from their tongues. I desperately just need peace, I haven't felt peace and true happiness in so, so long.

What should I do and what does Islam have to say about a situation like mine?

1 Answer 1


The sin of talking bad about people whether it be slander backbiting or anything is a major sin and what ur brothers family.etc are doing is one of the worst things a human can do it is because this sin Allah swt cant really forgive you for talking bad about people because it is seen as you hurt that person you did them wrong so you have to own up to your mistake and apologize to the person you either backbit or slandered is the way Islam views it.

Messenger (s) said: “Whoever backbites a Muslim spoils his fasts and breaks his wudu', and shall come on the Day of Resurrection with his mouth's stench more putrid than a carcass', and it shall irk those who are with him in his station (mawqif). If he dies before repenting, his death is like that of one who dies while considering permissible that which is prohibited by God, the Exalted and the Glorious.” [Al-Hurr al-Amili, Wasa'il al-Shiah, vol. 8, hadith no. 16316]

what your family is doing is very bad and if you happened to backbite or slander try to ask the people you have did wrong for forgiveness even if you would have to get on your knees because on the day of judgment they well take our good deeds and you well be like the bankrupt and on that day we know everything well be dealt justly and fair so everything that is happening to you about your family treating you horribly dont worry about it to much it is a test for you and to see how well you deal with it

the One who created death and life, so that He may test you as to which of you is better in his deeds. And He is the All-Mighty, the Most-Forgiving, 67:2

try to get back up again and try to pray your prayers on time try with just fard maybe just 5 daily prayers and make lots of dua at the beggening and always remember at the end of the day you family isnt really gonna do much on the day of judgemnt its all you so all the prayers you missed it would be on you and Alhamdulilliah you havent took your life yet because as we know the one who takes away the Life Allah swt gave them well basically end up in hell isnt that a sign of Allah swt love for you dont let the shaytan fool you he is smart but you can be smarter then Iblis(shaytan)

ALso one thing try to atleast stop or say something when you hear backbiting or slander that your family does because you well be asked about what did you do when you saw somthing bad happening in front of you on the day of judgement and the first question you well be asked about on the day of judgment is about your prayer if you have prayer you have everything as the 2 rakats before fajr and you pray that it is better then this world and evrthing within it just two simple rakats beofre fajr better then this whole world

evrytime you have a feeling of distrss or just a whisper of the shytan is probably what your dealing with because of the suiecide situation but this can all occur because of your delayment of prayer or maybe lack of rememberence of Allah swt just try to take step by step walking towards Allah swt and he(Allah swt) well come running towards you

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