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Assalamu Alaikum,

I have a question about what the view of Islam is on exposing the sins of others in order to humilate them and destroy their good image. Also, about cutting ties with immediate family - mother, father and siblings.

There is a sin that I was exposed to by three of my older siblings at the age of three. The trauma of those experiences still sticks with me to this very day. I grew up witnessing every single one of my siblings commit this same sin continuously. It was something that I knew they all did - except one of them. I'd never seen him do it and had no evidence he had. He was one of the three that had exposed me to it at the age of three but ever since then, I hadn't seen him do it. I myself was not guilty of this sin...yet.

I eventually fell into this same sin until it became something I did on a regular basis. Nobody knew I did this too. In fact, nobody would have ever guessed that someone who prays five times a day, recites and memorises Quran, is a straight A student, spends their spare time doing volunteer work and has not a single speck on their squeaky clean reputation would ever do such a thing. But every son of Adam sins I guess. I never told anyone I was guilty of this sin, I repented each time and prayed to Allah swt to rid me of it. I cried to Allah swt about it and begged him to help me out of my situation.

Then, my sibling one day barged into my room, searched through my things right in front of me, never said a single word to me and left. He had found out that I was guilty of this sin - the exact same sin I'd witnessed every single one of my other siblings commit, except him of course. He never confronted me about it, advised me to stop or reminded me of Allah swt. No. Instead, he went behind my back and secretly told every single family member of ours about my sin and didn't stop until they all knew the details of what I'd done. Not a single one of them ever approached me to ask me what was going on, advise me or try to lovingly help me.

None of it was about love of course. It was a way of making it known to every single person that this perfect person that had made them feel inadequate in comparison about their achievements/lives for so long, isn't actually all that perfect and this was excellent evidence to prove it. To tear down a good Muslim's name and reputation for no reason other than to feel better about themselves. To feel less pathetic and less inadequate. Once I had slowly began realising what he had done, because of the looks I started getting from family members, I became depressed and isolated. I couldn't face anyone because of the sheer humiliation of having my image and dignity torn to complete shreds like that. This was five years ago this summer, but since then I have developed severe depression, crippling anxiety and trust issues. I hardly leave the house, don't speak to a single family member except out of necessity and have lost a lot of friendships over the years because of my isolation. I cry myself to sleep most nights and usually fall asleep crying myself to sleep. I have lived in complete darkness, isolation, misery and loneliness for half a decade of my life because of what my family did to me.

Not a single one of them feels remorseful over what happened then. They feel it was their right to do that to me. I guess knowing my inner most secrets and sins is something they felt was urgent public information. They didn't realise what it cost me. I tried killing myself not long after that happened and have failed to do so three times since then. My imaan went in the gutter because I just couldn't understand what I had done to deserve this kind of abuse, backbiting and humilation.

What is so hilarious is that since what happened to me five years ago, I have literally witnessed with my own two eyes my father and my sister commit the exact same sin. My sister once went to my mother about me committing the same sin again that my brother had exposed me for and my mother stopped speaking to me. Then just TWO DAYS later I watched her do the exact same thing. She looked horrified when she realised I knew she was guilty of the exact same sin. I didn't say a thing to a single soul that day. None of the times I found out they were guilty of the same thing was intentional, I grew up basically walking in on these sorts of things. I've never really cared to go search for other people's faults. We live in the same house, I've seen all kinds of things I've never wanted to see but I always kept my mouth shut and looked the other way.

The brother that exposed me has always been an incredibly secretive kind of person. He's always locked his door whenever he leaves it, even if he's just getting up to go to the bathroom. He always keeps the key on him as well. So I'm guessing he must have something to hide, but to be honest, I don't care and I'm not really interested in exposing his sins to get even. I just want out of all of this.

My family have never been supportive of me, they've never cared about any kind of goal I pursue and turn their noses up whenever I achieve something, they've never congratulated me or helped me achieve anything. I've had to do a lot of things alone. The only thing they know how to do is backbite about me, slander me and humilate me. I guess it must stem from a deep sense of jealously and envy. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to better myself now but I can't do it in an environment so toxic and unbearable that I feel the only way out is suicide? Trust me, that's no a life anyone wants to live.

I want to cut all ties with all of them and disappear. I don't want revenge, I just want out. I want to be free and I want to be safe from their tongues. I desperately just need peace, I haven't felt peace and true happiness in so, so long.

What should I do and what does Islam have to say about a situation like mine?

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