I'm 21 year old man and I've been over the past 7 years fighting my sexual urges.

  • lower my gaze as much as possible.
  • being careful with opposite gender interactions (no girlfriends, no hugging, no touching, keeping discussions polite and to the point, limiting interactions with women)
  • being more careful online (Avoiding places where a random haram image could appear. YouTube with it's recommendation systems,etc...)

It worked fined, up until recently my sexual urges has reached uncontrollable levels. I've started to fast on Monday and Thursday every week. It's been 1 month since I started doing this.

Problem is that my sexual urges continues to grow. I don't eat much. Doing sports makes my sexual desires go up (I try to workout at home and avoid the gym.) (I'm in a western country btw).

My urges are so intense that it hurts my private parts, I can not sleep well because of it. (natural occuring wet dreams happens but it's not enough to reduce my desires.)

If you're reading this it's obvious that marriage is not an option. They made it impossible to get married. It's just impossible. I can commit zina in seconds but to get married is simply blocked.

I know that masturbation is haram so I don't want to go this route.

Now, why did Allah put me in a situation where I'm basically forced to sin. I did everything I could. It feels like an insult to my 7 year effort to remain chaste.

What can I even do? (I've prayed and continue to pray for patience, a wife,etc... but realistically I'm just basically forced to sin and go a bad path.)

  • Fasting is meant to be a temporary means of passing time, not an end in itself. The solution is nikah. You need to accept that it is not impossible and need to figure out how to do it, including lowering standards or expectations and taking practical steps rather than just praying.
    – UmH
    Mar 29, 2020 at 12:25
  • How can I do it practically. I live with my parents I talk to them about this issue and they're not cooperative. I can't possibly move and I don't have a job. I'm a computer science major currently studying and so the only thing I can use to sell my self is that I'll be potentially capable of providing for a wife in the future. Taking a job as a cashier will not allow me to pay a separate rent as I can't work full time because of my studies. What can I do, the problems arise before even selecting someone. It's not a matter of standards.
    – anon
    Mar 29, 2020 at 12:47

1 Answer 1


May Allah bless you and strengthen you on the path of Islam till the end of your life.

In your question you have mentioned 3 major steps you are taking (the greatest of which in my mind is lowering the gaze), it is praiseworthy that you are doing these. But in order to solidify your abstinence, you must perform nawafil prayers as much as you can and supplicate to Allah during those prayers AND read rulings pertaining to prayers. In addition to this, read Sunni A'qeedah books together with books about purification of soul and Al-Fawaid by Ibn Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him). Books like these will help to strengthen your position and nourishes in you a hatred towards the everywhere-prevalent decadence of our times. Thence you develop Islamic mindset. Lastly, you must set the exact goal of your life and work your way to it (it also means that you must know how and where and for WHOM or WHAT (for the West?!) you must apply your knowledge of CS in order for you to contribute to the welfare of U'mmah by your degree, thereby earning sawaab from Allah). This will keep you busy and undistracted towards unworthy acts which will come along your way in your life. At a specific part of day, spend your time evaluating your acts during the day, reminding yourself about the true purpose of your life and remember Allah much. You must continually do this practice regardless of how you think of yourself.

You MUST also try to avoid as much as you can those types of people (male or female) whom you suspect to have even a LEAST tendency toward or approval of decadency either in their acts or in their way of clothing.

All these mean YOU MUST PURIFY AND DISCIPLINE YOUR SOUL (and this act takes your entire life).

If you again commit those reprehensible acts, don't feel as if you were a failure so that satan would take control of you. Rather, START OVER again, make ghusl and return to the Path.

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