While some other religions have less attention to the borders of family, and so most non-Muslim men can shake hands or kiss other women (the same for women), Islam has stronger laws to save borders of family.

Hijab (for women), limiting foresight (for men) and forbidding shaking hand or touching foreigner people of opposite sex (for both men and women) are among these laws.

So the question is:

With all these Islamic limitations, what can a Muslim do when he/she is married but loves someone else (of the opposite sex)? What is the answer of Islam to this situation?

  • 5
    What is love? Nothing but mental associations and neurons making connections in your mind. If you wanted to, you could undo those associations in your mind and create new associations for the person you're married to so you end up loving him. But more people who ask such a question don't want to hear such an answer, they want to hear the "D" word, as in divorce... Jan 2, 2013 at 22:46
  • 3
    voting up. It is genuine real life issue and needs to be answered islamically.
    – muslim1
    Jan 3, 2013 at 3:47
  • 1
    This is an issue faced not just by women but also by men. I have updated the question to add this generality. Jan 3, 2013 at 8:13
  • 1
    Rasulullah said that love is in the hands of Allah, and you can do nothing. See the hadith about Bareerah and Mugheeth.
    – ashes999
    Jan 4, 2013 at 12:01
  • @oshirowanen - It's never that easy, as anyone who was in love before can tell you. And like ashes999 has commented, even the Prophet recognized that the matters of the heart are beyond us. Jan 4, 2013 at 18:12

2 Answers 2


Sorry if this is not a real answer, but please think for yourself if your marriage was with your own agreement:

(1) if it was not and you were forced then your marriage would be up (without requiring divorce) as soon as you confess you were not pleasant from the very beginning and were forced by your parents or else. Aqd (marriage) does not hold unless the girl and boy themselves agrees both "each other" and "the conditions for their marriage" (like Mahr and etc.). See the following Hadeeth from here for example that says Aqd does not occur unless the girl would allow:

امام صادق علیه السلام: تُستَأمَر البِکرُ و غَیرها وَ لا تُنکَحُ اِلاّ بِاَمرِها. وسائل الشیعه، ج 14، ابواب اولیاء عقد، باب 9، ح 1.

(2) if it was, then let me bring you an example of a way Satan usually influences the human being. Suppose you have a repository full of old stuff you never use, you decide to get rid of a number of them you cannot imagine that you may ever need them. Then you give it to someone who needs it and suddenly tomorrow you find a gap in your tasks that doesn't fill it anything but the stuff that you have just passed it to another guy! Somewhat a kind of Murphy's law! Satan tries us not to commit a good deed but then if we did it he will try to make us sorry for that, so you see people who never put anything out from their repository with the fear that they may need that one day! Now about Marriage. I had a similar situation and have seen many who had a similar position. Let put it this way. I was looking for a wife with my ideal characteristics for almost a long while, I had many different choices for a number of years, then I chose one and forgot the others. After I married my wife the first strange thing was that I have no other choice, so at any situation I was thinking what could be the situation if I had been married with another one among my choices. Of course Islam does not limit me (a man) to one wife but I see this is the way Satan influences the human kind. Hope that you can see the point.

NOTE: I'm not a scholar, see my answer merely as a probable answer, but visiting a scholar may be the best that you can do for now.


A disobedient wife is the result of western society//poisoned by their thinking i.e. free to do as she please go with other men/cheat/made to feel that she don't have to listen to husband as she will be provided for if she gets divorce by the laws of this country even if she is at fault and not the poor husband///constantly provoking husband into arguments trying to get divorce because she got a secret lover as with spoilt western women//bring back sharia law///a married woman loving someone else is a result of kufir thinking and laws not Muslim thinking and sharia law/ woman should be stoned to death// no buts and ifs to stop from evil spreading//

  • The stoning is not for women only, it is actually for man as well. Society etc can influence if the husband himself helps his wife grow and educates her, then there is no need running away from the society. Dua is a big weapon of a mu'min. Dec 25, 2016 at 17:11

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