How to stop a toddler from masturbating?

Question

I've been bought up in a culture where masturbation is a dirty disgusting thing, something which you never do, never talk about, and never even think about, and I have always thought that islam forbids masturbation.

Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): "And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7 Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor. http://islamqa.info/en/ref/329

I read a question here at SE titled: Explaining to a toddler when masturbation is appropriate.

The title caught my attention. The reason for this I will be explaining below, but when I read the comments and answers, I was really shocked. It seems masturbation has become so "the norm" these days that parents actually encourage their children to do it, but in private. I guess that is still better than encouraging them to masturbate in public.

Anyway, at the same time I was a little relieved, the reason for this is because I have a toddler, she seems to masturbate too. I am concerned about this, and I was a little relieved when I realised that she is not the only toddler on the planet who does this. She is only little so I am sure she will not be sinning for this act. However, what does islam say about this and how would a parent go about stopping such a a dirty disgusting addiction preferably with islamic techniques, islamic parenting techniques etc?

Before people start judging us and thinking it's the parents fault, they should not do that type of stuff infront of her, or they should make sure she doesn't see anything inappropriate. You will be on the wrong track for thinking that. She basically has full body eczema, and I think she "discovered" her private area while trying to releave the itchiness of her eczema problem.

Answer 1

"Islamic techniques" are based on the foundation of oneness of Allah. For them to work effectively, its important that one has belief in Allah.

That action of hers is not a sexual act as she is too small to comprehend what she is doing. However, it can be problematic in future as she enters puberty. By that time it would be harder for her to give up. What's more grievous is that Satan will try to exploit her nafs.

Temporary solution

Your daughter has associated pleasure with the activity which you find repulsive, but your daughter does not share the same concern. All that matters is relief and pleasure to her which she gets out of that activity. First, make her comfortable, apply medicine to her parts so that she need not scratch. Then replace that pleasure with something equally or more rewarding. Reward can be of any form as long as its powerful impetus to give up that forlorn activity. First, when you catch her in process, laugh it off or make a funny playful face and remove her hand, then engage her in TV, games or other outdoor activities and finally reward her with a candy or something she loathes. Its important all the time that you do not scold or show concern to her. A thing to keep in mind that this habit of hers should not act as a impetus to some gain. For example, you should not give her a candy every time you spot her and refuse at other times, else she will associate the reward(candy) with a precursor(masturbation) and will blatantly do it to manipulate you into rewarding her.

Permanent Solution

Iman: If your daughter understands oneness of Allah, make her offer dhikr. From my own personal experience it has been the best deterrent for one never feels the urge, irrespective of how pleasurable the odious activity. It purifies the heart and Allah helps by shielding a person from Satan. That's what needs to be done to secure her future. Make her do the following, make her recite "Subhanallahi, al adheem, wa bihamdihi(Glorified is Allah, The Supreme, Praised is He)" at least 25 times morning and evening followed by "astagfirullah(I seek forgiveness of Allah)"

You yourself should do it at least 100 times morning and evening. Its a precursor to reach a level where your duas will be accepted. However, you should do this with full conviction and heart. Believe me or not, duas do work. You can make a dua to help your daughter be salvaged from this activity. Once you feel your duas will now be accepted, make it.

Procedure: Say, "astaghfirullah" seven times, followed with your dua and then follow it with "Subhanallahi, al adheem, wa bihandhi, Subhanallahil azim" five times. Insha'Allah your duas will be accepted. I can also make a dua for her, if you tell me her name.