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I'm 19 and I just met this guy (27 yo) around 2 weeks ago who works in the same mall as mine. He was the one who initiated whatever our relationship is right now (he has been looking at me everytime I passed the shop he was working at) and somehow we started to talk to each other on a daily basis. Although I've known him only for a few days, we exchanged numbers and he called me almost every night aside from dozens of text messages asking if I've eaten or to take care of myself. He had never said that he liked me or wanted to be in a serious relationship or what not but every once in a while he expressed things like "I find your smile to be special" or "I might not be rich but I'm full of love, I'd carry you right now after we walk out of here" or "If anything happened to you I'd come running" or even "I'm not a womanizer, you can ask my friends". He said that he'd be totally sad if I were to suddenly start ignoring him one day too. I have to admit that I fell for him for his looks and friendly behaviour despite being poor and grew up having no blood relatives. He pays for our food everytime we hang out together and had no problem bringing me around anywhere on his bike. At first he appears to be someone kind of religious by using the name of Allah often, only for me to know later that he actually doesn't pray. Please bear in mind that I myself is not religious but I do find that it is essential for a Muslim to perform his/her prayers to help ease everything in life and afterlife. This caused me to see him as a munafiq, but I still continued to talk to him as usual. One day, we had a conversation where he brought up sex, porn and masturbation. Please also bear in mind that I had never been close friends or THIS open with any man in my life so I find this very disturbing. I told him this and mentioned that I don't really mind that he was being truthful to me about this because I think of all men the same (they masturbate more often than we think), it's just either they kept it as a secret or not. He acts differently when talking about this or at night, which then kind of scares me. He said inappropriate things before which then he apologized but can't seem to refrain himself from doing so. I advice myself from time to time to never expect anything out of this relationship and not be stupid, we're not even officially together. Somehow at the same time I'm still hoping that if I pray to god, his heart would be open to changing his attitude (I find him to be stubborn and doesn't easily accept others' advice). I'm at a loss right now as to how should I treat him (to start slowly ignoring him / advicing him, etc..), whether he actually do bear any genuine feelings for me, is it normal for a man to act as mentioned and should I judge him based on his sexual drive. I'm open to any suggestions, opinions or experiences Islamic wise regarding this. Thanks in advance.

closed as primarily opinion-based by UmH, Harun, goldPseudo Sep 7 at 4:53

Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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AOA. HI little one! I m a Muslim Guy and reading your post and the details. I m confident to tell you to back off. and "YES, You should judge him based on his sexual drive" that is the whole point. I can explain.

Looking at Your description of this guy, his behavioral change over time and the age difference between you two, evidently points to the fact that he is just playing you.

"How do i know that?"

Because i literally am one of those guys that fits into your description, a lot of us actually are. We always start from mentioning ALLAH. Then we switch to confession that we don't pray. and

Yes then we do the same sex, porn bringing up and confessing that "I m truthful to you. this is who i am " just to earn sympathy of a girl.

But we guys totally know we are playing you and you are falling for it!!!

"Why am i so sure?"

Because you are at age of 19 you are a teen that can be manipulated by monsters like us. manipulated in to anything, you don't stand a chance as teen girl against a guy like him and me (i have manipulated girls too. even older than you) you will start liking his trash talk soon. you will start sexting and you will ruin yourself. so plz backoff. if he truly loves you he will not be able to talk to you like that much considered our islamic morals.

"Why am i writing this?"

Because i m ashamed of every girl i have played and i have left that now but cant do what i did already. i do not know if this long detailed reply will change you mind but i do not want another teenage girl to be ruined and fallen in to the trap of some older guy who is not serious about it.

"why we guys do that ?"

Because at first we think its love but our sexual drive (which is way more stronger than women) takes over and WE LOVE and ENJOY sexting and TALKING DIRTY. it soothes our Sexual urge. and once we have from a girl like you, what we want(i.e. Sex). then we leave that girl because she is not interesting anymore.

SO sister, plz trust me for ALLAH's sake do not fall into the trap of love. specially with this age difference its likely that he has a privilege of being capable of manipulating you.. he is experienced and you haven't been this close to any guy! SO the stakes are high ! Trust and have faith in ALLAH, you will find a better, faithful and respectful Guy. you do not have to ruin your life for this one . May ALLAH bless you <3

  • Thank you so much for spending your time to read through my question and answering them. I have read your answer and I must say that I'm glad you gave me such helpful and detailed advice. Being the teenager I am, I find it hard to back off of him despite knowing that he must be up to no good (also because no man have ever gave me such attention). It's good to have people supporting and guiding me in making this decision. Thanks again, I shall keep your advice in mind and be more careful next time. May ALLAH bless you too. – zig Aug 29 at 15:48
  • [UPDATE] I've decided to cut ties with him nicely, I thanked him for all the nice things he'd done for me and even apologised if I've done anything wrong to hurt him emotionally. However, I'm saddened by his lack of reaction and effort (maybe to apologise if he'd done anything wrong too or try not to ruin whatever we have between each other). He just went on with it without asking much or even showed that he's worried. This made me realise that I have all the more reasons to not have such person in my life and never expect anything from him. Alhamdulillah, only god knows best. – zig Aug 30 at 3:19
  • Welcome for all your consideration sister. However, there is no next time once you go down that road. Yes everybody loves attention, attention is what helps most of guys like us ruin lives of girls like you. Teenage is not an excuse, its a precaution, so Just be careful this very time and try to keep the distance that is necessary, you know what i mean by that. I pray May ALLAH protect you from all that is bad. and help you go the right path. Stay blessed – OsamaAli1996 Aug 30 at 3:22
  • @zig Exactly, that's the reality. i wanted you to see. I m sure this is the best for you that ALLAH has decided, You will be fine in sha Allah, you dont need toxic relationships in the name of love and attention, you just need true love and care and in sha ALLAH you will find one, Allah bless you <3 – OsamaAli1996 Aug 30 at 3:26

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