I have been interested in a girl I met in my university. I wanted to ask for her hand in marriage but she told me she was already engaged to someone from her family (although she was interested in me but the family had already decided it for her through istikhara and she doesn't want to disappoint them).

Over 3 years have passed but we still remain interested in each other, and for some reason or the other she couldn't get married to his fiance either due to some accident or financial problems or no holidays from job, as well as the fiance's reluctance to marry "so early" as he mentioned at the start to her.

I have been making dua to Allah for blessing me with her, and I've always felt agitated of what might happen if she would get married how would I live with myself etc. I cannot do anything however unless she asks her parents to talk to me, which she is scared to do because of her family and also because when her family did istikhara for the current fiance it seemed positive, even though every time some barrier appears between them in marriage.

I decided to do an istikhara myself on whether I should keep making dua for her hand in marriage, and since I am helpless in this matter right now that's all I can do for now. After a few days, the agitation I had of losing her went away, but I still am inclined to make dua for marrying her and in my heart feel that she will contact me soon IA if I keep making dua.

I still have 2 days left of my 7 in istikhara, but I am unsure whether this is a positive sign or a negative sign for me to pursue for her marriage. I feel relatively calm and keep making dua for her hand but at the same time feel what if it's a negative sign and I might be wrong in making dua?


1 Answer 1


We can't answer your question as the only one who could answer it is you.

Istikhara beside consulting knowledgeable people or asking for advice is what we may call a tool or possibility to help us make decisions in our life.

You pray an extra nafl prayer and then make a certain du'a and ask this way for help in making a decision. Allah may lead you by giving you a good or bad feeling about a matter. You still have the choice to act against it. You may repeat it as much as you like or need. And how you interpret Allah's guidance for you is something we actually can't comment. And in general istikharah for a matter must (or should) be done by the person involved even if there are some scholars who say it might be done by others.

But in your case you should be aware that what you've seem to be doing is wrong altogether. If you know that a girl is engaged (has a fiancé) it is disliked to even think of asking for her hand unless this engagement has been ceased from either party (For eveidences for this refer to What should I do about prior attempts at seeking relationships and the effect it has with my current fiancé?).

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