AoA, I became friends with this boy more than a year ago and we are both in college and only 20 years old. As we got closer and I got to know him more I fell in love with him and then some stuff happened that affected our friendship and we stopped talking and I prayed to Allah swt to bring him back into my life and he messaged me one day and we reconnected. Everything was great for a few months then all of a sudden something happened again and I lost him again. It wasn’t really either if our faults this time but it completely broke me. I was going through a tough time and I lost the only thing giving me any comfort. During this time however I became closer to Islam. I began praying as much as I could, reading the Quran and trying to understand it, working on my deen. I prayed and prayed to Allah swt to keep this man for me. I know I’m still young but I wanted a future with him he was everything I was looking for and everything my parents wanted too. Unfortunately there was a big misunderstanding and his mother doesn’t like me because of that. I realized a while ago that I had committed a sin in this relationship and it brought me to my knees and I couldn’t stop crying and begging Allah swt to forgive me. I’ve prayed for 6 months about this man and what happened. I said that I knew He has a plan for everyone and that I’ve left all my affairs to Him. I just feel like a horrible person for the sin I committed. I feel like Allah swt is unhappy with me and that I’m not deserving of His love. I feel so suffocated on one hand by my grief over disobeying Allah swt and feeling like He’s never going to answer my duas and on the other by how much I love this man and want him in my life. He’s the one who brought me closer to Allah swt I wasn’t very religious before these past few months I guess that’s why it was easy for me to commit the sin. I don’t know what to do or how to feel anymore. I don’t understand why He brought him back into my life just to take him away again. I’m so broken by this and I have been through a lot in life I’m not a weak person but the pain just won’t go away this time.
Salam wa alaikoum,
NB: Am not a scholar or a sheikh
From the little knowledge of the deen, Allah forgives all sins except shirik(Associating partners with him). Of course one has to make tawba but it shouldn't be a habit of sinning because Allah will forgive(that's act of ignorance which might cost one in the hereafter). Never loose hope in Allah.
Besides that everything happens for a reason, in most cases the happens are for our own good even if the situation looks terrible(we don't know the unseen), on this note we have to understand that we can not have everything we wish/desire for.
Another thing it is better to have Allah first, Allah created all things and He created the person you met and lead you to islam. Therefore, He is capable of bringing him back or another person who you might the fit you perfectly.
I know it's not an easy feeling to live with, stick to Allah and you might need to seek counsel/help from the qualified people or parents(if they are understanding people) they might help you.
NOTE: Am not an Islamic scholar just trying to help and share the little knowledge I have.
Assalam wa alaikoum