Aoa. As a child I was abusedZ i didnt know what it was back then. Coming to the main part, I made a friend on the internet, we started texting dirty things to each other Never sent nudes tho. Had phone sex one time, no video calls but a normal phone call. I got Caught, my mother found out, told me to repent and I did. One and a half year later i had too much free time on my hand that I started seatching for 'Friends' on internet, found a someone, I used to send him nudes everyday (I feel ashamed writing this Right now) got caught again, I knew I will get caught but I continued, I felt so bad After sending the first nude but I continued, during all this time I still prayed to Allah to guide me and help me pray 5x a day, when I got caught the first thing I said was 'Alhamdullilah', I knew only this can help me stop.
My first question, Is Allah very unhappy with me? I have disappointed Him very much. My mother says, He didnt forgive you the first time, because if He had, you wouldn't have done it again. I have prayed a lot to him, but I'm unable to cry, the only time I cried while repenting was when I felt that I have disappointed Him. I feel like I am hated by everyone now, even by Allah. And that he will never forgive me because I am not even able to cry before Him.
Secomd question, me doing the same mistake again knowing I will get caught does it have to do anything with the abuse? I feel like my mother will hate me more if i talk to her about the abuse. I feels sometimes the guy who abused me took all my innocence away. Any advice will be appreciated. :(