Can I be forced by my parents?

Question

Aoa I am a 14 year old and my father is forcing me to wear hijab. When i asked him why he wants me to do that he simply said because he doesn’t like me opening my hair and that she thinks girls look very decent. I had a problem before but i started wearing it afterwards but i politely asked him i i could just not wear it to school for certain reasons but he told me either to wear it to school or stop going to school. I asked him for just 2 years but he was angry.. I tried to explain but he doesn’t want to listen..is it not haram to force your child?

Answer 1

In Islam your father is your guardian as long as you are not married it is his right and duty to take part in your education and guide you to what is allowed and refrain you from what is prohibited in Islam.

• Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and is responsible for them, a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and children and is responsible for them; a slave ('Abu) is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges." (See for example in Sahih al-Bukahri and Sahih Muslim)

• “Allaah will ask every shepherd about that which was entrusted to his care, whether he took care of it or neglected it, and He will even ask a man about his family.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Ghaayat al-Maraam, no. 271 (Source of the translation islamqa #42551)

Hijab is considered as fard for a woman (from the age of maturity on)

Asma, daughter of AbuBakr, entered upon the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) wearing thin clothes. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) turned his attention from her. He said: O Asma', when a woman reaches the age of menstruation, it does not suit her that she displays her parts of body except this and this, and he pointed to his face and hands. (Sunan abi Dawod)

by Qur'an (see the verses 24:31, 24:60, 33:53 and 33:59) sunnah (See for example in Sahih al-Bukhari 1, 2, 3, in Sahih Muslim 1, 2 and in Sunan abi Dawod and ijma' (there's no scholar saying otherwise). So basically your father is allowed to order you to wear the hijab as Allah has ordered it.

And so is the case for any good deed, good behaviour and worship based on the hadith:

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately. (Sunan abi Dawod)

Scholars of all schools of fiqh say it is allowed -if necessary- to force your child to learn and do what is ordered for example memorizing the Qur'an or at least what is necessary of it. This might be a direct conclusion from this fatwa in Arabic on forcing the memorization of the Qur'an on his children islamweb #131766.

Of course forcing is not the best solution it is better to convince by words than to impose ones opinion without explanation. But in the fatwa linked above they hold the opinion that any assumed impact on the self-development of a child is only an assumption without proof.

The limits of obeying the parents are clearly mentioned in the Qur'an which are related with bad deeds, disbelieve and shirk. Scholars also consider divorce a matter where parents shouldn't be obeyed.

Answer 2

In Islam yes you have to wear it as a girl but if you just are y ready don’t do it you need to commit to it It is better to do it when your ready and wear it for the rest of ur life then being forced and taking it off which is a bigger sin I’m going through the same thing rn and all I can say is good luck

Answer 3

Assalamualaikum,
This is a very interesting question that I used to always ask myself. The answer is no. He cannot force you into doing anything that has to do with religion, just like it was written in the Qur'an ( لا إكراه في الدين ) which means there is no compulsion in Islam, meaning that he cannot force you into praying, wearing hijab, and so on.

(فَذَكِّرْ إِنَّمَا أَنتَ مُذَكِّرٌ , لَّسْتَ عَلَيْهِم بمسيطر) here is another aya that tells the prophet (pbuh), that you should only remind them, not control them of their deeds. Your dad should advise you, not force you.

Another thing to keep in mind, if your dad forces you to wear hijab, you're doing this for him not for Allah, meaning you wont benefit anything from it. If you are a Muslim the main thing you should keep in mind is that your relationship with god is only between you and Allah. Don't allow your dad to get in between it, it is your life, your belief, not your dads, your dad could advise you to wear it, but forcing it on you is actually Haram.

Just like the prophet (pbuh) said (إِنَّمَا الأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ) which means The deeds are considered by the intentions, if you bumped into someone by accident, and they hurt themselves, you wouldn't get any bad deeds, because your intentions were to hurt the person. Same goes for wearing the hijab, if you only wear it because you were forced to by your dad, your intentions are not for Allah but for your dad.

If your dad didn't force you, but was very disappointed, so you decide to wear it, that is haram. In this manner you are doing this for your father to please him. You are not doing this to please Allah.

And this isn't from me, this is something I was thought when I went to the mosque, where I come from, they give us lectures in the mosque for young people every Saturday. May Allah give you health.

Answer 4

I’m going through this rn except I don’t wear it I’m being forced to wear one next year and I’m not physically or mentally prepared for it so I searched about it and came here :) idk what to do