I'm trying to pray while being in full focus of the meaning and emotions of my words. Sometimes my mind gets clouded with thoughts of doubt, anxiety, self deprecation, and fear that I am being selfish by praying to save my soul and be in god's favor for this life and the after life. If I catch myself, I tend to repeat the part I lost focus in right then and there. For example, if I'm supplicating and reciting "Subhan Rabuna al a'la" without focusing and catch myself during the supplication, I say it 3 more times with focus. Is that okay?
P.S. Can anyone please post their opinion on the final reason I lose focus (the fear of selfishness). I tend to sometimes think that my relationship with Allah should be different from how it is now. I feel now that my relationship is one of support and guidance from Allah. As though Allah gave us Islam as a guide to improve ourselves and feed our soul in order to become what Allah expected of us to become when he created the dunya. And that when asked (prayed to), Allah will help us on our road through the dunya. So when I pray for things that only pertain to my life like for less anxiety and better health, I feel selfish since the prayer is purely for my own betterment and to improve my life in the dunya. I also feel like being a muslim to try feed my soul and being a better person and eventually going to heaven inshallah is also selfish and wrong. I feel like it's all "me" in my being a muslim.
