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Someone's parents are very strict and unfair at many things. They torture their son emotionally. In this situation, does the son have any right to behave with his parents rudely?

If the parents behave rudely with their son (eg: 25 years old) sometimes, does the son have any right to do the same with his parents?

By torture, I mean ---

  • Son wants to go somewhere for recreation, but parents don't let him do.
  • Son wants to hang out with his friends, but his parents don't let him do.
  • Son wants to be friendly with his parents, but they intentionally don't become friendly.
  • Parents pressurize their son to study a subject which he does Not like. And so on.
  • "torture their son emotionally" Could you elaborate? Pretty vague statement. – The Z Mar 31 '18 at 11:19
  • for example: Son wants to go somewhere for recreation, but parents don't let him do. Son wants to hang out with his friends, but his parents don't let him do. Etc etc. – user14815 Mar 31 '18 at 11:33
  • Add a list of your perceived tortures to the question. – The Z Mar 31 '18 at 11:34
  • I added... Please see – user14815 Mar 31 '18 at 11:51
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    Some of your examples of 'emotional torture' could be constructed as normal parenting. Islam.SE is not meant for getting external validation, verdicts on disputes or peer support\counseling. See 17:23-24 for the Islamic teachings on treatments of Parents. – UmH Mar 31 '18 at 12:21
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In Islam, your parents have a high amount of rights over you. After all, they raised you, taught you, and made you who you are.

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (17:23-24)

This hadith explains the extent of their rights:

'Do not associate anything with Allah, even if you are cut to pieces or burned. Do not abandon a prescribed prayer deliberately. Anyone who abandons it will forfeit Allah's protection. Do not drink wine - it is the key to every evil. Obey your parents. If they command you to abandon your worldly possessions, then leave them for them. Do not contend with those in power, even if you think that you are in the right. Do not run away from the army when it advances, even if you are killed while your companions run away. Spend on your wife out of your means. Do not raise a stick against your wife. Cause your family to fear Allah, the Almighty and Exalted.' (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 18)

So, you have to obey them to the extent of leaving everything you own, everything you dream of this world. The only exception is your religion, which I don't think they are commanding you to leave.

In conclusion, none of your examples are anything extreme. Your parents have rights over you, and it is your job as a son to fulfill those rights even at your own worldly expense. You can talk to your parents kindly and try to convince them on some issues, but if they remain unconvinced, you have to obey them.

  • Excellent answer, +1 – Bahrom Apr 9 at 16:41
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All religions give parents an honorable and very high status. Our indebtedness to our parents is so immense that it is not possible to repay it fully. In lieu of this, it becomes obligatory for us to show the utmost kindness, respect, and obedience to our parents.

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." Your Lord is most knowing of what is within yourselves. If you should be righteous [in intention] - then indeed He is ever, to the often returning [to Him], Forgiving.

Quran (17:23-25)

We are not even allowed to say "UFF" to them leave alone being rude to them.

Even when the father of Prophet Ibrahim (AS) was against him and asked him not to worship Allah, never did Ibrahim say a bad word to him.

And mention in the Book [the story of] Abraham. Indeed, he was a man of truth and a prophet.when he said to his father, "O my father, why do you worship that which does not hear and does not see and will not benefit you at all? O my father, indeed there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to an even path.O my father, indeed there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you, so follow me; I will guide you to an even path.O my father, indeed I fear that there will touch you a punishment from the Most Merciful so you would be to Satan a companion [in Hellfire]."[His father] said, "Have you no desire for my gods, O Abraham? If you do not desist, I will surely stone you, so avoid me a prolonged time.[Abraham] said, "Peace will be upon you. I will ask forgiveness for you of my Lord. Indeed, He is ever gracious to me. And I will leave you and those you invoke other than Allah and will invoke my Lord. I expect that I will not be in invocation to my Lord unhappy." Quran (19:41-48)

I know many fellow reverts whose parents are still non-muslims. But these people maintain a better relationship with their parents because of their understanding of the importance that Islam gives to parents.

Inshallah in due time you will understand that your parents only want good for you. Till then you can try to sit them down and have a friendly but respectful conversation with them. Put forward your concerns, explain to them why you feel constrained and ask them to be more considerate. But if things tend to get out of hand, do not get angry. That is Satan and his team trying to create a rift.

Best of luck!

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