Assalamualikum brother and sister,

I am so ashamed to ask for a solution to my problem, but, I hope I can get an answer.

When I was like around 12 years old, I was sexually harrassed by a married man. That time, I didn't knew anthing about sex or about kissing. So, I was harrassed for a few months and I never protested or pushed away that man because I didn't knew what he was doing to me. The only that I knew was that I hated what he was doing to me.

After a few years after the sexual harrassment, I got to know about sex and began to regreat everything that he did to me. I began to feel unpure. We never had sex or he never saw me naked. But, he did touched me and that made me feel so impure that I couldn't stop himself from doing those things to me becasue I didnt know what he was doing to me.

After that, I began to get high sexual urges. I tried to stop myself but, I had friends who would read books contained with mature scene. I began to read books with mature scene and my sexual urges began to rise more. I didn't wanted to have sex before marriage as it is haram, so I began to write books where I wrote highly sexual scenes. I even watched videos with high mature scene.

A few months after I wrote those books and published it in only under my pen name, I felt guilty and I stopped writting those books. I even stopped watching those mature scene videos and I kept myself busy which is why I stopped having such urges.

But recently, I am 18 and even though I am busy, I get really sexual urges. I don't want to commit the sin of having sex before marriage, but, I don't want to get married right now. I know that marraige is a solution but i feel like i am too young for marriage and I feel so impure and ashamed of myself. I even feel like when i get married in future, Insha Allah, my husband might hate me.

I don't know what to do,so, it would be helpful if you have answer for me.

  • Do you pray your five prayers? – The Z Mar 17 '18 at 22:29
  • I pray daily, but, not five times a day. Sometimes i would pray 5 time a day, but not daily. But, I am trying to get in a habit of praying 5 times a day – Leostra Mar 17 '18 at 22:32
  • Well, there's a place to start. – The Z Mar 17 '18 at 22:33
  • You should wait for someone to 'officially' answer your question. I am a bit busy. – The Z Mar 17 '18 at 22:41

Alaikum assalaam,

Dear sister,

May Allah help you with your situation.

If you are able to marry, then you should try to do that. If not, try to fast and do other types of worship. Perform your salat on time and try to perfect it. Try to stay away from stupid stimulations, because these will make the urges worse. It's not only porn, also watching a movie where things happen, reading a magazine, seeing uncovered 'awrah of opposite sex and things like that (lower your gaze). Instead, read Quran, learn more about your deen.

Definitely do a lot of dua, since Allah is the only one who can help you out of your situation. May Allah give you the perfect husband in the future.

Also, you're not "impure" and you shouldn't feel ashamed of something you didn't have control over. You are the victim, and the afflicter should be the one to feel ashamed and impure. You are innocent. As for telling your husband in the future, I think it will be okay in sha Allah, he wont hate you, it was beyond your control.


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  • I think it is encouraged not to tell of past sins – The Z Mar 18 '18 at 17:41
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    Is it a sin to get raped? – Ahmad Mar 18 '18 at 18:34
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    Yes but if this is not a sin, so it's okay. If my wife told me this, I wouldn't let the marriage get destroyed. I would sit and listen. Something she does not have control over should not destroy a marriage. – Ahmad Mar 18 '18 at 18:45
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    That is a positive outlook, but most people do not think like that. So I am just saying it is better to stay on the safe side and not tell anyone. I do agree though that that is how it should be viewed. – The Z Mar 18 '18 at 18:52
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    Even in the case of Zinah, technically Muslims have to be accepting of and forgiving of those who did the sin and now have repented. We shouldn't be discriminating against them. But, Islam discouraged revealing past sins because it has an effect on people that it shouldn't have (since you have repented). – The Z Mar 18 '18 at 18:55

Asak Sister,

May Allah give you sabr to forbear the pain you had to go through.

W.r.t your question, the below Hadith is relevent even though it was directed at the male sahaba who present with the Prophet at the time:

Narrated 'Alqama:

While I was walking with `Abdullah he said, "We were in the company of the Prophet (ﷺ) and he said, 'He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power."

Sahih al-Bukhari 1905

Secondly, sister please don't feel guilty about happened to it. Inshallah the sin is not upon as it was you who was violated and not the other way around. Allah will not punish a soul unjustly for He is the All Knowning and Wise.

Whether you should tell you future husband or not is another question that is best discussed with your parents and acted upon based on your feeling of love and trust with your husband.

May Allah keep you strong and give you the strength to live a happy married live in the future.


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  • I think it is established that you should not tell others of past sins, and this isn't even a sin, so I think it is safe to say she does not have to tell her future husband – The Z Mar 18 '18 at 14:07

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