My name is abdul. I come from a family of five, my mum, dad, sister, half brother and i. My dad came from a polygamous family drenched in poverty but struggled to put himself through school and after a while got a job with old age. But recently, from 2015, my family has witnessed d hatred and wrath of Allah. My dad first lost his job, we became broke and had to beg his frnds to get by. I was in my final year in school when the problems started. I failed and had to repeat a year. My brother was in his second year. To pay our tuition my dad had drop his car yto obtain a small loan...the loan had over 100pcnt interest every month until he lost his car totally. Shortly after our tuition was payed, my brother mysteriously died in school october last year. And my sister, since she was born, she never spoke or walk or used her hands, doctors couldnt diagnose her condition. Her condition deteriorated as she got older until her very existence was notjing but pain. She could no longer sit without support. She could not turn when lying down, just in one position which become uncomfortable in minutes...all she does is cry, we hardly sleep at night, it was hell. She was 13 at d time my brother died. 2 months after my brother's demise, she passed away too. I was there in her last moment, she was in pain and as usual, i tried all my possible best to comfort her, but all to no avail. After seeing how fruitless my effort was, i decided to take a break for 2 minutes and leave her with my dad. She died immediately i left d room around 10 at night. I lied with her body through out d night, feeling her body turn ice cold. I couldn't blive my sister whom i love and live for could die like dat. a happy family of five, became a sad depressed family of 3. I myself, im a depressed story. I had an awesome life in school before d onset of these problems, now i don't even revognize myself. I became extra tall overnight measuring 6 feet 3 inches now, which is weirdly tall in my society. This problem became apparent after o lost my siblings. People started looking at me like a freak, i lost every sense of confidence and became afraid to go out of my room. This had severe mental, academic and social effects on my life. Back in secondary school, a friend imtroduced me to porn. Anytime i feel depressed i would watch porn and masturbate to it. Ive been doing dat for almost 5-6 yars now. I tried my best to stop it but it keeps getting harder. After spending an extra year in school, m finally out of school. I have nothing, no friends, family abandoned me, nothing. All these problems worsened by joblessness started taking its toll on my dad. He developed high blood pressure. He had been admitted for two weeks now. I dont know what to do anymore. I wanna end it all. Pls help me

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    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because Islam SE is not a peer support group and personal matters should be dealt with real professionals in real life, not with random people online. – Muslim_1234 Dec 29 '17 at 23:12
  • May God have mercy upon you and your family. Remember for every bit of suffering there is a reward of high esteem from your lord. I suggest, you come out of your way of thinking that you are tall and somehow unworthy, and embrace them as qualities... Wear your features like an armour... No body is perfect. That's how I have changed and it has worked really well so far... – Qaisar Khan Dec 30 '17 at 0:23

Stop blaming god for all your issues. Just work hard and keep fighting. Life is hard and cruel. God isn't really here to help, you have to just rely on yourself really.

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