Note: You may have seen this post before, I am the same man asking about the same concerning and pressing matters. I just changed my name out of fear (Allah forbid) something bad happens. I took away some personal details about when some things occur, and where I live, for privacy reasons. I have also added in some important details. I was also notified by a faculty member that my thread looked to much like a calling for Fatwas. So I did research and found answers on my own. I'm still asking for advice form my brothers and sisters in Islam.

Background info: I'm not married. Adopted a young orphan girl. We have no blood relations. We live by ourselves. This isn't an ordinary Adoptive family relationship. I never have, and never will, think of her as my daughter. Iv'e always only been her caretaker. Inshallah I can someday be her man as well.

Assalamualaikum! Some time ago, I adopted an old orphan girl. Even though legally i'm her "father", In my home we follow the Islamic way. From the beginning I let it be known that i'm not her father, strictly guardian. We addressed each other as our full names, despite the fact that she had no access to her real last name due to her birth certificate being sealed after adoption. Since I knew she wasn't mehram to me, I made her wear full abaya and headscarf in our house after 9yrs old. Also, never made physical contact with her. I home schooled her myself when she was grown enough to stay home, Before I would leave her at my parents house when I was off at work. I also taught her how to read Quran, and many other types of Ibadah, including, basic Islamic history and knowledge. She's now 14, and in these early teenage years, I have grown to be very attracted to her. One time I had a troublesome dream that I invited her to my room and took her abaya/scarf off, then kissed her nude. I fast a lot more because of this reason. Alhamdullilah I have not done anything haram. We stay in two opposite sides of the house when i'm home. When i'm not there (work, friends-house, ect...) she has full liberty of my house. I noticed iv'e been giving her more "womanly" responsibilities that you'd normally attribute to a wife, or lover. Like; cooking my meals (excluding joining/serving me in the meals. That would stimulate things too much for me. My Iman would be in shambles.), cleaning house, washing dishes etc... I talked this issue over with her and she thinks i'm a semi-handsome, carrying man, and marriage between the 2 of us would be the best thing for our deen. She also said she wants to make me happy, and if we got married, and ONLY then, she would be willing to relive some of my sexual tension.

Here's where our problem begins; She has no Wali, She is an orphan, and I have looked into extended family and none are Muslim. The only two other people she knows are my parents. I kept her very secluded from the rest of my (barely religious) family and outside world, so she wouldn't fall into fitnah and loose the religion as I once did at that age. I even restricted her access to the internet, which in my opinion, is the the biggest fitnah for teenagers. Next; She is very young, and despite her willingness to consummate a marriage, I feel morally wrong about this. Is it haram for me to love and seek physical relations with a little girl? Will she be harmed in the process? What if she doesn't enjoy it? In my culture this is considered "pedophilia", and our relationship would be considered illegal (Iv'e done research). So if we follow through it will be a secret Nikah. Maybe I was just conditioned to think this way. Lastly; she wants to regain access to the axis of evil, the worldwide web. Mashallah she is very pious; prays 5 times a day, and Nafl, fasts on mon and thurs day, wears abaya and modest dress. I'm just really scared about what could happen. Especially since she's been extremely sensitized, due to having very little access to haram things and, the extreme fitnah of the outside world. My mom says it's because i'm insecure, and I think she'll find liking in other men besides me but, isn't that a good concern? All she wants for mahr is a wedding ring, which is fine by me.

If Nikah isn't an option, what should I do? Separate myself from her altogether? That would be very hard for me to do. Its obvious My feelings, and lust for her kiss, will only get stronger. I beg Allah Subhana Watala to forgive me for my perverse thoughts, and lead me away from the path of Shaytan, his waswas, and Zinna. Please give me some advice, JazakallahKhair!


Asalamualykum this sister is young very young and I fact a child don’t exploit that trust. She deserves someone her age someone she can grow old with with. Your just listing over her and that’s wrong. Plus u took a child on to father her so why can’t u be a father to her and marry someone of your own age and have a life. This situation is so wrong. You legally adopted her so ur her father in that respect please snap out of this delusional and selfish state of mind and see the bigger picture. She may agree now to what u want but in the long run when the going gets tough and u start again g then this will only create resentment. Please think about your actions. Allow her to stay with your parents. Allow her to mature as an adult and explore the world she’s not your captive and placing too many restrictions will only make things worse.


I think separation would be a viable option at the moment, or perhaps move in with your parents. Regardless of your attempts to separate yourself from your "step-daughter", there is the issue of chance-collisions therefore you two cannot remain alone in one house: you need to have others there - your parents seem like a good option.

As you say, she is a young teenager: 14. I know that in the UK, child marriage is illegal and children can get married at 16 with parents consent or 18 on their own assent. You say she is an orphan with no strong muslim relations, so wait. Wait until she is legally an adult so she can make her own decisions. Her agreement to a potential nikah may be a result of her believing that it is her duty to satisfy you, as her guardian due to everything you have done for her. For example, she may want to have access to the internet and she feels that marrying you would permit this for her. Maybe it is not a true representation of how she feels about you.

You fear that your feelings are "perverse" and your sentiments are simply a result of "pedophilia". To solve this, you need to separate yourself from her in the short-term, maybe just by adding more people in the house and making sure you are both NEVER alone together: it could lead to zina. Wait until she is an adult, because you will be able to see if both of your feelings for eachother are true. If they are, you will both consent to the marriage. This will be legal according to civil law, and as per Islamic law, you could get an imam or scholar to stand as her "wali". You will also require 2 male witnesses.

This is simply a suggestion of which may be most viable in your situation, but for further advice, you may want to contact an imam or scholar who can give you advice.


I believe that you should wait until your 18, I am using a take ID to protect myself as well, I am around the same ages as your daughter, a little older but I believe that she should be in a state to make a wise decision when she feels she is not in debt to you. Islamicly she has a choice. She may regret the decision of marriage in future. It is also illegal to marry at 14. Talk it out and agree to a temporary seperation. Perhaps she should remaining under the care of your parents for a while so she stays how it is.