Ramadan Mubarak to you all. I've had this question lingering in my mind for almost a year now, but I never got the answer that I expected. Every time I post a question of the likes on reddit, it gets removed for some reason, so I hope this one doesn't. First of all, I'm 15 years old, gay and Muslim. Over the course of two years, I dealt with the fact that I'm going to be celibate for the rest of my life, and that doesn't depress me. There are others ways to enjoy life and to find love, and I'm doing this for Allah, hoping that I get my reward in the Hereafter... but will I?
Before you all bombard me with "You should start thinking about how you're going to get there first"s, I actually am. There are several major sins that I stopped committing for Allah, including cheating, torrenting (stealing), and listening to music. I already used to pray all five prayers Alhamdulilah, and I started praying more sunnah prayers recently. I'm also trying to stop PMO, but there's one thing setting me back: will I really get all that I desire in Jannah?
I've been browsing through r/islam and the internet in general, looking for an answer to this question. Being gay, I don't really only want Houris in Jannah. Yes, I know they are more beautiful than anything, and having them as a spouse isn't something that I don't want (the prospect of being with a woman doesn't turn me off, it just doesn't sexually attract me.), but it isn't all that I want.
From your perspective, the average straight Muslim, I can see why the idea of same-sex marriage in Jannah doesn't appeal to you. I see where you're coming from, though, since I can look at pedophilia the same way, too. But homosexuality isn't really a disease. Yes, it might be impure in the Dunya, but why should it be in the Hereafter? The only reasons I know why it is forbidden is because same-sex intercourse can cause diseases and there is no reproduction happening; someone correct me if I'm wrong, but the two main reasons why a man and a woman marry in Islam is to have legal intercourse and to reproduce. In Jannah, there won't be any diseases and there won't be any reproduction, so I don't see why it shouldn't be allowed up there or why the idea will be removed from our heads. Can't Houris be men, too? Are they all women? Isn't it that the greater the trial/test is here, the greater the reward (or punishment, depending on how we act upon it) is up there? If I go through life insha'Allah without committing any homosexual crime, I don't want my reward to be better tasting wine or a bigger house, I want it to be what used to be a test in the Dunya.
Isn't the prospect of Jannah supposed to motivate us? If so, why should the thing that motivates me the most about Jannah not be up there? This is how I'm trying to stop PMO, by reminding myself that I will get something much better in Jannah. The main reason why I'm still struggling is that this thought of homosexuality not existing in Jannah keeps popping up in my head, and it's the easiest way for the Shaytaan's whispers to get to me. I just don't see why it shouldn't be, but everyone seems to agree that homosexuality won't exist up there. I don't know if this haram, so please tell me if it is, but sometimes I pray for a shorter life so that I may not have to commit any more sins than I am (while making tawba for the ones that I committed, of course).
Sorry for bothering anyone that doesn't like these types of questions, but Allah subhanaho wa ta'aala said: "And it does not beseem the believers that they should go forth all together; why should not then a company from every party from among them go forth that they may apply themselves to obtain understanding in religion, and that they may warn their people when they come back to them that they may be cautious?" (Surah Al Anfal 9:122). Thank you in advance and Ramadan Kareem to you all!