Last year I, alhumdulilah, completed my first Ramadan in a long time. I came back to my faith and I am proud to be a Muslim and loving what I am re-learning and all thanks to easy accessibility of resources and in the language I can understand. This year I am also doing Ramadan.
I worry alot. Virtually every day since last year I have been repenting sincerely to Allah and of course, completing my 5 delay prayers. I feel alot better and more at peace than I have been for many years.
The worry I have is that, I fear that Allah will not forgive me for the wrong doings/sins I have committed over the last few years including not making my regular Salah. I have always been a believer, never doubted but depression and other unfortunate things have made things difficult and put me on the wrong side of things.
I know, and acknowledge, my wrong doings and I have repented and continue to do so whilst bettering myself but I am very worried that I won't be forgiven. Only Allah SWT knows.
I keep listening to some of the top scholars that I follow (like Mufti Menk) and there was something that stuck out (as always with him!) which was that everything you do will be spoken for/against you on the day of judgement. They bare witness to what you have done.
I understand this completely and makes sense and I have always been told this. My worry is that I have, in the past, done many wrong things and that they will overshadow any good things I have done and continuing to do.
In this situation, what am I supposed to do and think? That there is no hope? I am not giving up but just want to know what to do or expect or think. This really is putting me in a big frenzy.