I'm in a relationship with a man of my age who is undergoing training in Armed forces. So he is not allowed to get married now.

Because of my mother's insistence he had to go to army so that I don't have to face army and also he can get married to me. I want to get married as early as possible because I have felt satan and nafs are taking us and influencing us to wrongdoings.

Both our families want us to get married when he gets permission which is in 4 years to come, and also want me to complete my mbbs and and another degree before marriage which is yet 5-6 years.

Can we at least have marriage without their concern right now? Who will be my wali?

If we get married we cannot expose it publicly because it is risky for his job. I want to get rid out of this sin and want to enter into a halal relation.

  • Jazakallah.Actually my father will allow me to marry but not now,after completing my education.I m sure he will refuse?.if I approach to him then there will be great problem in my family.He will get angry & furious too.Even though I know he will refuse,should I approach to him or should I directly go to Qadi?
    – sumaiya
    Commented Apr 24, 2017 at 9:00
  • 1
    in my country if man and woman reach the proper age they can get married themselves.So I need to get confirmed about our Shariah.
    – sumaiya
    Commented Apr 24, 2017 at 9:20
  • Dear brother,so far I know each mazhab gave priority on the most appropriate answer.So I also want the most appropriate one.Already after thorough studying I have found that a woman can marry without his father's consent if her father doesn't allow the marriage for any materialistic cause like career.I want to get confirmed brother.if I take one of my close friend's uncle who is also an islamic scholar,will it be ok as wali?
    – sumaiya
    Commented Apr 24, 2017 at 9:28

1 Answer 1


The Hanafi school of thought has the view that an adult woman can carry out her own marriage, without the consent or involvement of a wali.

They base it on the following verses of the Quran, arguing that the woman is given the right to contract her own marriage and the consent of the wali is not mentioned as conditional. (See Ahkam ul Quran by Al Jasas for details):

Quran 2:230 And if he has divorced her [for the third time], then she is not lawful to him afterward until [after] she marries a husband other than him. And if the latter husband divorces her [or dies], there is no blame upon the woman and her former husband for returning to each other if they think that they can keep [within] the limits of Allah . These are the limits of Allah, which He makes clear to a people who know.

Quran 2:234 And those who are taken in death among you and leave wives behind - they, [the wives, shall] wait four months and ten [days]. And when they have fulfilled their term, then there is no blame upon you for what they do with themselves in an acceptable manner. And Allah is [fully] Acquainted with what you do.

They also interpret the following hadith to support their view:

A woman without a husband has more right to her person than her guardian, and a virgin's consent must be asked from her, and her silence implies her consent. [Saheeh Muslim]

A woman came to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! I have come to give you myself in marriage (without Mahr)." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her and then lowered his head. When the lady saw that he did not say anything, she sat down. A man from his companions got up and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! If you are not in need of her, then marry her to me." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Have you got anything to offer?" The man said, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)!" The Prophet (ﷺ) said (to him), "Go to your family and see if you have something." The man went and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, I have not found anything." Allah's Apostle said, "(Go again) and look for something, even if it is an iron ring." He went again and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my Izar (waist sheet)." He had no rida. He added, "I give half of it to her." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "What will she do with your Izar? If you wear it, she will be naked, and if she wears it, you will be naked." So that man sat down for a long while and then got up (to depart). When Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saw him going, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet (ﷺ) said, "How much of the Qur'an do you know?" He said, "I know such Sura and such Sura," counting them. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Do you know them by heart?" He replied, "Yes." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Qur'an which you have." [Saheeh Bukhari]

The only condition they attach is that the husband should be a suitable\equal match to the wife, and in case of an unequal match the awliya can dispute the marriage and a Qadi can be persuaded to annul it. In your case the parents themselves agree to the marriage, just not the timing.

From the Hanafi manual Hidayah:

The nikah of a sane and major freewoman stands concluded, when it is with her consent, even if the wali (guardian with legal authority granted by the shareah) did not undertake this contract. This is so according to Abu Hanifah and Abu Yusuf (God bless them) recorded as the Zahir al- Riwayah. It is narrated from Abu Yusuf (God bless him) that it is not concluded, while according to Muhammad (God bless him), it is concluded but is suspended (mawqiif, subject to ratification by the wall).

Malik and al-Shafil (God bless them) said that nikah is not concluded at all through a statement of women, because a nikah is intended to meet certain objectives and delegating such authority to them upsets these objectives. Muhammad (God bless him) said that such upsetting basis objectives is remedied after ratification of the contract by the wali. The basis for permissibility (according to the Zahir al-Riwayah) is that she has undertaken an act that pertains to something that is purely her personal right, and she possesses the legal capacity to do so being sane and in possession of discretion. It is for the same reason that she can undertake transactions in wealth and possesses the right to choose a husband. The wali is asked to undertake her marriage so that she is not characterised as being immodest.

Thereafter, according to the Zahir al-Riwayah, ther is no difference between a husband who is equal in status to her and one who is not equal in status. It is also reported from Abu Hanifa and Abu Yusuf that in the case of a husband of lesser status it is not permitted, because there are many matters (between husband and wife) that cannot be resolved by resort to law. It is reported that Muhammad withdrew his opinion and upheld the one followed by the two jurists.

If you go with the Hanafi view you can arrange your own marriage with witnesses etc. and register it with the court.

The Shafi school of thought does not consider a marriage without a wali to be valid. They base it on the following verse, arguing that the reason the Quran admonishes the walis to not prevent women is because they have the right:

Quran 2:232 And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis. That is instructed to whoever of you believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is better for you and purer, and Allah knows and you know not.

They also base it on the following hadith:

The Messenger of Allah said: “Any woman whose marriage is not arranged by her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If (the man) has had intercourse with her, then the Mahr belongs to her in return for his intimacy with her. And if there is any dispute then the ruler is the guardian of the one who does not have a guardian.” Sunan Abu Daud, Sunan Ibn Majah, Jami Tirmizi

The Shafis also use the above hadith to derive that if a Wali refuses to marry the woman, then the state can resolve the dispute and become her wali. In a non-muslim country, a non-muslim judge can not act as your wali, but you can approach an Imam of a mosque or a pious and knowledgeable Muslim to act instead.

From the Shafi manual, Umdat as Salik:

Whenever a free woman asks to marry a suitor who is a suitable match (def: m4) (0: by telling her guardian, "Marry me to him"), the guardian must marry her to him (0: whether she is a virgin or nonvirgin, and whether prepubescent or not). The Islamic magistrate (A: i.e. judge) marries her to such a groom if the guardian:

(1) in the presence of the magistrate refuses to marry her to the groom;

(2) is on a journey farther than 81 km/5O mi. from home;

(3) or is in a state of pilgrim sanctity (ihram) (0: for hajj, 'umra, or both) (dis: j3.20).

In such eases, the guardianship does not devolve to the next most eligible in the m3.7 order of lawful guardians. If (non-(2) above) the guardian is on a journey of less than 81 km./SO mi. from home, the bride may not be married to someone without the guardian's leave.

  • 2
    jazakallahu khairan for Your patience! Brother it seems to have a Wali is the safest.So if I choose one of my close friend's uncle as wali(as he is the most trustworthy in current situation), will he be ok as Wali,even if he is not my relative?
    – sumaiya
    Commented Apr 24, 2017 at 12:09
  • Also see
    – UmH
    Commented Apr 24, 2017 at 12:39
  • May Allah bless you.Jazakallahu Khairan.
    – sumaiya
    Commented Apr 24, 2017 at 12:44

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