I'm too scared to pray salah because of my doubts

Question

I always believed that Allah is one. I never thought that I would start doubting the oneness of Allah.

Recently, I started having these sort of thoughts (auzubillah): What if Isa was part of god before he was born, then he lost all divinity and became a human prophet (which explains why he would pray to god sometimes), and then, after his resurrection he rose into the heavens and became part of god again?

I know it sounds absurd. But no matter how hard I try, I can't get it out of my head. I haven't been praying salah in a while since I'm too scared to pray salah now. If I pray salah with these sort of things in my mind, it will be like I'm praying to Isa.....and we all know that's shirk.

Before I pray salah, I always have to clear my mind and tell myself "There is no god but Allah. There is not god but Allah. Isa was just a prophet." But this doesn't always work. My mind starts thinking about that haram thing again.

How can I possibly prove it to myself that Allah does not have any parts? How can I possibly prove it to myself that Isa is not part of god? It's impossible. My only option is blind faith, but everyone says blind faith is not accepted by Allah.

If belief in Allah is fitra, then I should be allowed to have blind faith in Allah.

Answer 1

A perfect being (God) cannot become imperfect, otherwise He was never perfect to begin with if he was susceptible to losing power. God's attributes are Eternal.. they are never "lost". So this scenario that you're mentioning is not possible. It just proves that Jesus was nothing but a human.. never divine. And he himself never said he is God or formerly God or a part of God. Period!

This waswasa from Satan is silly. Why don't you get 'doubts' about if you used to be an animal then turned into a human and will turn into an animal again? -- Because Satan has no purpose/reason to suggest these silly ideas to you. But he wants you to disbelieve in God/God's Oneness.

What to do: Seek refuge in Allah (ﷻ) from Satan, ignore these evil ideas and don't entertain them and most importantly..- strengthen your understanding of Tawheed (Oneness of God). There are may good books by scholars on fundamentals of Tawheed.

Also - don't give up Islamic practices which is just jumping from the frying pan and into the fire. Continue with those but seek knowledge and repent.

Answer 2

The other answer is mostly fear of satan, which can be applied to anything, and doesn't answer anything. Unlike other religions, islam encourages you to be smart, so let us examine your question in terms of importance and "answerability".

answerability

Was isa part of god before or/and after he was born ?

The only thing we can reasonably assume is that he was as much part of god than other prophets.

Is there a way to know the answer to this question ? Do the prophets merge with god in some way ?

It seems very very unlikely we can find an answer to this.

Importance

What would an answer to this question change ?

Not much actually. It would not change the texts, the prophete status, and so on.

There are plenty of such questions you can formulate. They are all very interesting, but cannot be answered, and whatever the answer would be, do not change much.

Answer 3

I always believed that Allah is one.

You yourself have stated that you "believed" Allah is one. The same way that you can believe that Allah is one it is possible to believe that Allah may not be one. Your belief is not founded on any rational theory or facts but on emotions. You can choose to believe in anything.

What if Isa was part of god before he was born, then he lost all divinity and became a human prophet (which explains why he would pray to god sometimes), and then, after his resurrection he rose into the heavens and became part of god again?I know it sounds absurd.

It's not really absurd. It makes as much sense as the oneness of Allah - your belief is based on an emotion which is faith and you can choose to believe in anything. Emotions by their very nature are not facts, they change. One emotion makes about as much sense as another.

If I pray salah with these sort of things in my mind, it will be like I'm praying to Isa.

Again if you are bothered by this, you can consciously choose to pray to whoever you like.

Before I pray salah, I always have to clear my mind and tell myself "There is no god but Allah. There is not god but Allah. Isa was just a prophet." But this doesn't always work. My mind starts thinking about that haram thing again.

You may try thinking of every creation as part of the whole. That way whoever you pray to you pray to Allah. Problem solved.

How can I possibly prove it to myself that Allah does not have any parts? How can I possibly prove it to myself that Isa is not part of god? It's impossible. My only option is blind faith, but everyone says blind faith is not accepted by Allah. If belief in Allah is fitra, then I should be allowed to have blind faith in Allah.

I have news for you - All faiths ARE blind - like totally. There are no proofs for emotional values. You don't reason out an emotion - there is no scientific logic that you can apply here whatsoever.

Good luck!