I always believed that Allah is one. I never thought that I would start doubting the oneness of Allah.
Recently, I started having these sort of thoughts (auzubillah): What if Isa was part of god before he was born, then he lost all divinity and became a human prophet (which explains why he would pray to god sometimes), and then, after his resurrection he rose into the heavens and became part of god again?
I know it sounds absurd. But no matter how hard I try, I can't get it out of my head. I haven't been praying salah in a while since I'm too scared to pray salah now. If I pray salah with these sort of things in my mind, it will be like I'm praying to Isa.....and we all know that's shirk.
Before I pray salah, I always have to clear my mind and tell myself "There is no god but Allah. There is not god but Allah. Isa was just a prophet." But this doesn't always work. My mind starts thinking about that haram thing again.
How can I possibly prove it to myself that Allah does not have any parts? How can I possibly prove it to myself that Isa is not part of god? It's impossible. My only option is blind faith, but everyone says blind faith is not accepted by Allah.
If belief in Allah is fitra, then I should be allowed to have blind faith in Allah.